By using properspursy.com services you agree to our Cookies Use and Data Transfer outside the EU.
We and our partners operate globally and use cookies, including for analytics, personalisation, ads and Newsletters.

  • Love the Shirt - Tottenham Forum

    Join one of the best Tottenham Hotspur Supporters forums on the interweb, Discuss the ins and outs of our great club with like minded spurs fans from around the world.


    Join us!

Bees..... (Bzzzzz)

Yid

Yid

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
So I've decided I'm gonna learn how to keep bees.

Always been fascinated by them and how they produce lovely honey for me to gobble up.

Any without them the human race ceases to exist, so I figured it was a good idea...!!!

I know absolutely bugger all about them currently, (apart from the honey and stingy bits) but have made enquiries about a beginners course. I did learn that they live in an Apiary... I thought it was a hive...!!!

Now I did have a mild case of anaphylaxis last summer, but I think it was some kind of airborne pollen. Not bugs or stings or anything like that. Might get my allergy stuff checked out by the quacks though.

Anyway if any of yous know about the little beauties and want to share, let me know.

I'm gonna be posting some bee stuff in here as I learn it to bore the bollox off you all...!!!
 
skiathospurs

skiathospurs

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
I know unlike the UK that when the queen fucks off they all fuck off with her.Maybe snip her wings or tie her to the box !!

Sounds interesting,i am sure youtube has all the info to allow you to see if its for you.

indeed,local to you.

 
  • Like
Reactions: Yid
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
So I've decided I'm gonna learn how to keep bees.

Always been fascinated by them and how they produce lovely honey for me to gobble up.

Any without them the human race ceases to exist, so I figured it was a good idea...!!!

I know absolutely bugger all about them currently, (apart from the honey and stingy bits) but have made enquiries about a beginners course. I did learn that they live in an Apiary... I thought it was a hive...!!!

Now I did have a mild case of anaphylaxis last summer, but I think it was some kind of airborne pollen. Not bugs or stings or anything like that. Might get my allergy stuff checked out by the quacks though.

Anyway if any of yous know about the little beauties and want to share, let me know.

I'm gonna be posting some bee stuff in here as I learn it to bore the bollox off you all...!!!
Brilliant mate. I've always fancied Bee-keeping, but I have the patience of a three year old and really couldn't be fucked dressing up in all that Apiarist stuff every time I wanted a bit of honey.

As well as a rewarding hobby which will help save the planet you can also make some very serious wedge from the honey. I will be very interested in following your Bee-keeping journey mate, unless of course you are whingeing about being stung, that would be boring and you would get fuck all sympathy from me.
 
skiathospurs

skiathospurs

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Brilliant mate. I've always fancied Bee-keeping, but I have the patience of a three year old and really couldn't be fucked dressing up in all that Apiarist stuff every time I wanted a bit of honey.

As well as a rewarding hobby which will help save the planet you can also make some very serious wedge from the honey. I will be very interested in following your Bee-keeping journey mate, unless of course you are whingeing about being stung, that would be boring and you would get fuck all sympathy from me.
Apparently its good practise to stick your bellend in the entrance to the hive once in awhile.true story.
 
Don Diaz

Don Diaz

Zero tolerance of Numpty's
Founding Member
Luckily and far more entertainingly, this thread is not to be confused with Brentford FC
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
Apparently its good practise to stick your bellend in the entrance to the hive once in awhile.true story.
Nah mate, that's wasps and hornets. Poke yer old gentleman into a wasps nests and they'll bugger off, bees will just laugh.
 
Don Diaz

Don Diaz

Zero tolerance of Numpty's
Founding Member
Nah mate, that's wasps and hornets. Poke yer old gentleman into a wasps nests and they'll bugger off, bees will just laugh.
this has escalated quickly.......bet @Yid didn't predict this useful bit of advice? might affect his choice of bee-keeping attire?
 
Yid

Yid

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Brilliant mate. I've always fancied Bee-keeping, but I have the patience of a three year old and really couldn't be fucked dressing up in all that Apiarist stuff every time I wanted a bit of honey.

As well as a rewarding hobby which will help save the planet you can also make some very serious wedge from the honey. I will be very interested in following your Bee-keeping journey mate, unless of course you are whingeing about being stung, that would be boring and you would get fuck all sympathy from me.
There will be videos... if I fuck up, it will be for everyone to see...!!!
 
Yid

Yid

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
This is a serious thread..... I do not need you lot to tell me about snake charming the bees...... duh, I already know....!!!
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
This is a serious thread..... I do not need you lot to tell me about snake charming the bees...... duh, I already know....!!!
Good luck with your 'serious thread' mate, I have tired to have serious conversations here and in the place that must not be named, the chamber of sewage that slipped into the void - yeah I know. it's gone, let it go. Wine making, Okra hating, Marmite loving, Rachel Riley worship, - all serious topics deserving sensible grownup discussion, but no, like anything serious and important, someone always has to spoilt it. If I was you I would get them African killer bees and train them to attack cunts who take the piss out of your beekeeping enterprise - and goons and Brexits and chavs and dippers and... Thinking about it I am going to get me some of them African killers, train them to attack everybody except me, that will keep the voices quiet for a while.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: Yid
skiathospurs

skiathospurs

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Good luck with your 'serious thread' mate, I have tired to have serious conversations here and in the place that must not be named, the chamber of sewage that slipped into the void - yeah I know. it's gone, let it go. Wine making, Okra hating, Marmite loving, Rachel Riley worship, - all serious topics deserving sensible grownup discussion, but no, like anything serious and important, someone always has to spoilt it. If I was you I would get them African killer bees and train them to attack cunts who take the piss out of your beekeeping enterprise - and goons and Brexits and chavs and dippers and... Thinking about it I am going to ge tme some of them African killers, train them to attack everybody except me, that will keep the voices quiet for a while.
That would technically make you their queen
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
That would technically make you their queen
Killer Queen! Yeah, I like the sound of that, nobody would have thought of that before. The only slight problem I have is with the whole idea of monarchy, OK, it probably works for bees and they would worship me as their god-queen, but for human-bean people in the 21st century? Nah what a load of bollocks.

@Yid - will you be doing the beard of bees thing? I've seen blokes do that and thought to myself 'those blokes are fucked up mentally, I wouldn't do that and I am seriously radio rental' What the fuck is that about? I like bees, but I don't want to wear the fuckers.
 
Glenjamin

Glenjamin

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
I remember from that Robin Hood film with Russell crow that you make mead from honey. You're welcome.

Local honey is also good to stop allergies.
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
I just remembered - I was for a brief moment a hero in the bee kingdom, I rescued one from my pool the other day, he was flapping about trying to swim so I gently lifted him from the water and put him down in the sun to dry out, he flew way happily, stupidly into my house so I swatted the fuck out of the little fucker, I like bees, but not in the house, same with dogs, if Mrs D let me have the pack of dogs I would like, they wouldn't live in the house they are animals for fuck's sake, animals live outside, humans live inside.

I miss that little bee, it was a shame he made me kill him, we could have been friends.
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
I remember from that Robin Hood film with Russell crow that you make mead from honey. You're welcome.

Local honey is also good to stop allergies.
I made some mead once, it was truly fucking disgusting. It was probably because I used some really cheap honey from Aldis and it was just honey flavoured sugar. I tried it at some stupid hippy-druid cunt's wedding and even the professional stuff is fucking 'orrible.
 
Yid

Yid

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
No beard of bees.... no fucking bees yet...

My beard will not be a home for the little honey monsters.

I will build (purchase) them their own house (apiary) and they will make me a shitload of honey and hopefully pay for them selves or at least make a significant contribution. I'm tired of paying for cunts to live with me and bot contribute.

Showed my 7 year old how to use the washing machine today.... SHE WANTED FUCKING PAYING.
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
No beard of bees.... no fucking bees yet...

My beard will not be a home for the little honey monsters.

I will build (purchase) them their own house (apiary) and they will make me a shitload of honey and hopefully pay for them selves or at least make a significant contribution. I'm tired of paying for cunts to live with me and bot contribute.

Showed my 7 year old how to use the washing machine today.... SHE WANTED FUCKING PAYING.
Oh I remember those days. Emptying the dishwasher was one of the few chores the parasites had to do, they could not understand in their stupid little heads that if only one of them was home then he had to empty the whole fucking thing, not half of it and leave the rest until his parasite brother came home. Mrs D thought I was too harsh making them both eat off of dirty plates if the dishwasher was not emptied. Harsh? Yeah right, poor little fuckers, I never hit either of them, I think an 18 stone (then. I'm 12 and a half these days. cold, so cold, not body fat....) bloke hitting a child sort of proves that the big bloke is a totally useless wanker really. I did psychologically fuck them over though, I was cruel, but fair, OK, just cruel.

The funny thing is that they still both think they are more intelligent than me, both of the stupid cunts are Brexit supporters and think they will not lose out with WTO, no deal or any wankish deal. They are so wrong. I have changed my will so my half of the estate goes to a children's hospice, not a fucking penny to them - so they have lost a large chunk of change. I expect Mrs D will still leave her half to them but I will be pissing myself laughing when I am dead and they realise that MY money is going to a worthy cause and not them.
 
Yid

Yid

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Mine are getting it.... they dont like it, but they're getting it. Anyways back to the more important stuff..... Bees. Did you know a bee can recognise you. Can recognise an actual human face. Dunno how they know that or how the fuck that makes any difference to a human been but apparently they can.
 
skiathospurs

skiathospurs

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Mine are getting it.... they dont like it, but they're getting it. Anyways back to the more important stuff..... Bees. Did you know a bee can recognise you. Can recognise an actual human face. Dunno how they know that or how the fuck that makes any difference to a human been but apparently they can.
My koi carp can recognise me and theyre only meant to have a 30 sec memory.I stand by the pond they all come up,anyone else straight to the bottom and sulk cos they know there are no goodies about to be thrown in.My chickens recognise the sound of my car,whenever i park they make a fucking racket and I have to tell em to shut the fuck up!! Critters are fucking great eh,millions of years of evolutionary programming,doing stuff microsoft still cant work out how to do.
 
Thfcire

Thfcire

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
I hate the cunts get stung at least once a year by them on the bike normally in the face which is great fun.i hope there’s a bee Armageddon and am I currently experimenting with getting honey from putting gerbils through a mangle ,it’s slow work and I’ve gone through 800 so far but no one said it would be easy
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
I hate the cunts get stung at least once a year by them on the bike normally in the face which is great fun.i hope there’s a bee Armageddon and am I currently experimenting with getting honey from putting gerbils through a mangle ,it’s slow work and I’ve gone through 800 so far but no one said it would be easy
All the great inventions took effort mate, keep mangling those gerbils and you could end up the Colonel Sanders of Gerbil Honey - he got rejected 1,000 times apparently until someone realised that that foul, disgusting KFC sauce would be addictive and could make them loads of money. How about adding a pinch of heroin to your honey, or if you are worried about kiddies - some nicotine?
 
Don Diaz

Don Diaz

Zero tolerance of Numpty's
Founding Member
All the great inventions took effort mate, keep mangling those gerbils and you could end up the Colonel Sanders of Gerbil Honey - he got rejected 1,000 times apparently until someone realised that that foul, disgusting KFC sauce would be addictive and could make them loads of money. How about adding a pinch of heroin to your honey, or if you are worried about kiddies - some nicotine?
That would be addictive though?

(its a little joke again)
 
Top