Motspur Hotspur
Player in Training.
Just reminiscing with the misses about football out the front of mums and it brought back a few memories, feel free to add your own estate based idiosyncrasies to my ramblings. These are the rules as I saw them growing up, Green Dragon (Haverfield Estate) Brentford.
Goals
Use of traffic cones, parking bollards and jumpers are allowed, the goals should be from HERE to HERE and must be roughly the same size but never aligned. Parent will tell you off for chucking your jumpers on pavement and catching a chill.
Addendum (Goals):
1.a. goal width can be also be dictated by the width of a standard garage door.
1.b. in the event of the garage owner arriving home and berating you for making dents and the paint peel off his garage door there may be a temporary dispersal and break in play. Play will resume on either the same garage or next doors garage as soon as the aggrieved party has left the area.*
*There may be following action from the aggrieved individual by way of contact with players parents. This could lead to 2 scenarios.
1. Player removed from play by parent.
2. Parent choosing to fight arrived party for honour of the player.
Both scenarios WILL NOT result in a breaks in play.
The Pitch
The pitch will be from HERE to HERE in the available space as outlined by gardens, cars and fences.
The Score
Will be argued about at least 5 times during the game and recounted.
Odd Teams
Will result in the one of the older kids going on the 'weaker' team, Rush or scramble may also be awarded.
Rush or Scramble or Fly Nets
No one wants to be goalie (unless they have David Seaman, fluorescent goalie gloves) so Rush or Scramble will be enabled to allow everyone to get out a play.
Next Goal Wins
Shall be final even after a kid runs the length of the 'pitch' and boots one home.
Famous Player Assignment
Everyone will want to be Linekar or Gazza even of they play as defender, no one will want to be Tony Adams... Ever!
Self Commentary
You are allowed to self commentate on your own fantastic play and do crowd noises/salute the crowd when you score, its the law.
Dinner/Tea
Will interrupt the game for most players, the game will continue without them while they run in and shovel it down, then have to wait 5 minutes at the table for everyone else/let your dinner go down.
Fences and Gardens
Fences can be used for OneTwos, if the ball goes in a garden the kids who booted it in there must either go and ask for it OR sneak in and retrieve it, the game can then restart with a throw in.
Barbed Wire
A site with barbed wire should be avoided AT ALL COSTS particularly when using a flyway ball.
Cars and Roads
The ball will roll 50yards down the road under many moving cars and the game will stop while the ball is collected. It will restart with an opportunistic run and cross down the wing. Parked cars make a great wall behind the goal to stop the ball going far.
Trees
Can cause unnecessary concussion and bumpy pitch but make excellent goal posts.
Roofs
Kicking the ball onto someones roof will cause a lost ball and ridicule to the kid involved, a new ball will need to be found and may be small and or flatter/punctured if is deemed necessary so the game can continue. See also 'Barbed Wire'.
Dogs
The game will be interrupted and players will stand like petrified statues while the local nutter dog comes round the corner and heads over to the local patch of grass for a piss and/or shit. Eventually a dog wise kid will go over and pet the animal before sending it on it's way.
Dog Shit Alley
The ball should under no circumstances be allowed to roll across dog shit alley (or whatever dog shit infused section of grass the council hasn't paved over). If this does happen see Point 1a-c.
1a. The ball must be removed from dog shit alley with the minimum of dog faeces being allowed to congregate on the ball or kid(s) trainers, the kids chosen was usually the one who booted it through the muck fest.
1b. With the game stopped and ball retrieved, the contamination of dog shit must be confirmed by sniffing the aforementioned brown stain, if dog shit is confirmed see point 1c otherwise game on!
1c. The ball should be cleaned by scrapping it on the grass, trying to get the seams cleaned (if a leather ball) to avoid dog shit on the forehead next time the ball is headed. When everyone has had a go at cleaning, checking and sniffing. Game on!
Broken Windows
At the breaking of a window everyone will flee from the area and not make contact for at least 24hours. The kids who kicked the ball and therefore is to blame will be the first to get grassed and then blamed if you are tracked down.
I think that's most stuff covered!
Goals
Use of traffic cones, parking bollards and jumpers are allowed, the goals should be from HERE to HERE and must be roughly the same size but never aligned. Parent will tell you off for chucking your jumpers on pavement and catching a chill.
Addendum (Goals):
1.a. goal width can be also be dictated by the width of a standard garage door.
1.b. in the event of the garage owner arriving home and berating you for making dents and the paint peel off his garage door there may be a temporary dispersal and break in play. Play will resume on either the same garage or next doors garage as soon as the aggrieved party has left the area.*
*There may be following action from the aggrieved individual by way of contact with players parents. This could lead to 2 scenarios.
1. Player removed from play by parent.
2. Parent choosing to fight arrived party for honour of the player.
Both scenarios WILL NOT result in a breaks in play.
The Pitch
The pitch will be from HERE to HERE in the available space as outlined by gardens, cars and fences.
The Score
Will be argued about at least 5 times during the game and recounted.
Odd Teams
Will result in the one of the older kids going on the 'weaker' team, Rush or scramble may also be awarded.
Rush or Scramble or Fly Nets
No one wants to be goalie (unless they have David Seaman, fluorescent goalie gloves) so Rush or Scramble will be enabled to allow everyone to get out a play.
Next Goal Wins
Shall be final even after a kid runs the length of the 'pitch' and boots one home.
Famous Player Assignment
Everyone will want to be Linekar or Gazza even of they play as defender, no one will want to be Tony Adams... Ever!
Self Commentary
You are allowed to self commentate on your own fantastic play and do crowd noises/salute the crowd when you score, its the law.
Dinner/Tea
Will interrupt the game for most players, the game will continue without them while they run in and shovel it down, then have to wait 5 minutes at the table for everyone else/let your dinner go down.
Fences and Gardens
Fences can be used for OneTwos, if the ball goes in a garden the kids who booted it in there must either go and ask for it OR sneak in and retrieve it, the game can then restart with a throw in.
Barbed Wire
A site with barbed wire should be avoided AT ALL COSTS particularly when using a flyway ball.
Cars and Roads
The ball will roll 50yards down the road under many moving cars and the game will stop while the ball is collected. It will restart with an opportunistic run and cross down the wing. Parked cars make a great wall behind the goal to stop the ball going far.
Trees
Can cause unnecessary concussion and bumpy pitch but make excellent goal posts.
Roofs
Kicking the ball onto someones roof will cause a lost ball and ridicule to the kid involved, a new ball will need to be found and may be small and or flatter/punctured if is deemed necessary so the game can continue. See also 'Barbed Wire'.
Dogs
The game will be interrupted and players will stand like petrified statues while the local nutter dog comes round the corner and heads over to the local patch of grass for a piss and/or shit. Eventually a dog wise kid will go over and pet the animal before sending it on it's way.
Dog Shit Alley
The ball should under no circumstances be allowed to roll across dog shit alley (or whatever dog shit infused section of grass the council hasn't paved over). If this does happen see Point 1a-c.
1a. The ball must be removed from dog shit alley with the minimum of dog faeces being allowed to congregate on the ball or kid(s) trainers, the kids chosen was usually the one who booted it through the muck fest.
1b. With the game stopped and ball retrieved, the contamination of dog shit must be confirmed by sniffing the aforementioned brown stain, if dog shit is confirmed see point 1c otherwise game on!
1c. The ball should be cleaned by scrapping it on the grass, trying to get the seams cleaned (if a leather ball) to avoid dog shit on the forehead next time the ball is headed. When everyone has had a go at cleaning, checking and sniffing. Game on!
Broken Windows
At the breaking of a window everyone will flee from the area and not make contact for at least 24hours. The kids who kicked the ball and therefore is to blame will be the first to get grassed and then blamed if you are tracked down.
I think that's most stuff covered!
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