I was talking to eldest son recently and he was telling me about the aftershave 'balm' he uses, apparently it has Jojoba and Myrrh extracts, and is only twenty quid for a jar that looks a reasonable size until you realise that the glass is about 10 foot thick and the actual quantity of 'balm' you get is about the size of a rabbit poo. This jar sits inside a huge box which is encased in bullet proof plastic that you need a chainsaw and some semtex to open' OK Mrs May I said the 'S' word and I know you are monitoring the Internet these days so don't send the feds round eh? Personally my own aftershave 'balm' is called Vaseline, it is made out of petrol and a fucking great huge tub of it is quid at Poundland. I also told idiot son that one of the ingredients in his 'balm' was Urea and that is made out of piss, usually horse piss. OK they synthesise Urea these days in factories, but it is still the same stuff that is found in wee so you might as well piss on your own face - or if you are that way inclined ask someone else to do it, I am not judgmental, if you want to be a twisted pervert in the privacy of your own home then OK - you disgusting cunt. I am sure some of you are navy metro-sexuals who use all thus trendy waste-of-money bollox but my personal message would be 'Ladies, kiddies, grand-kiddies - DO NOT buy us chaps 'Jojoba oil and Myrrh Balm' for Christmas!'