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Gentlemen's Grooming Products

Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
Likes
651
#1
I was talking to eldest son recently and he was telling me about the aftershave 'balm' he uses, apparently it has Jojoba and Myrrh extracts, and is only twenty quid for a jar that looks a reasonable size until you realise that the glass is about 10 foot thick and the actual quantity of 'balm' you get is about the size of a rabbit poo. This jar sits inside a huge box which is encased in bullet proof plastic that you need a chainsaw and some semtex to open' OK Mrs May I said the 'S' word and I know you are monitoring the Internet these days so don't send the feds round eh?

Personally my own aftershave 'balm' is called Vaseline, it is made out of petrol and a fucking great huge tub of it is quid at Poundland. I also told idiot son that one of the ingredients in his 'balm' was Urea and that is made out of piss, usually horse piss. OK they synthesise Urea these days in factories, but it is still the same stuff that is found in wee so you might as well piss on your own face - or if you are that way inclined ask someone else to do it, I am not judgmental, if you want to be a twisted pervert in the privacy of your own home then OK - you disgusting cunt.

I am sure some of you are navy metro-sexuals who use all thus trendy waste-of-money bollox but my personal message would be 'Ladies, kiddies, grand-kiddies - DO NOT buy us chaps 'Jojoba oil and Myrrh Balm' for Christmas!'
 
skiathospurs

skiathospurs

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Likes
1,816
#2
I volunteer to piss in a jar for anyone here if they want an xmas present,i ll even eat beetroot and asparagus if they want a different colour&smell.
 
Yid

Yid

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Likes
271
#3
I have to use beard oil unless I want a full on "santa" beard.

Saying that I must trim it up as the other day I kept getting a whif of somthing fishy and rank... couldn't for the life of me figure it out blamed other people the bin even my boss for farting... until I licked my lips and my tash was tasty like the mackerel I had eaten for a snack around 11.... dirty smelly bastard...!!!
 
Thfcire

Thfcire

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Likes
205
#4
Don't use original source mint near your swingers unless you want to grab your balls like Kevin in home alone with the aftershave
 
Yid

Yid

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Likes
271
#5
Don't use original source mint near your swingers unless you want to grab your balls like Kevin in home alone with the aftershave
I always poke half a digit up my hoop and massage it into my bellend... am I doing it wrong?
 
Thfcire

Thfcire

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Likes
205
#6
I always poke half a digit up my hoop and massage it into my bellend... am I doing it wrong?
No but I'd recommend demestos next time for a similar effect
 
Liam

Liam

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Likes
200
#7
Don't use original source mint near your swingers unless you want to grab your balls like Kevin in home alone with the aftershave
Am I the only bloke who finds the sensation of original source mint on my balls really fucking cool!!!!
 

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