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    My New Chair

    Discussion in 'Rudi's bar' started by Dorset, Nov 13, 2016.

    1. Dorset

      Dorset The Voice Of Reason Founding Member

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      My office chair is literally a pain in the arse, I have only had the fucker for about a year, but I thought I would save a quid and buy a cheapish one, £60 in my world is not cheap, but it is in the real world apparently.

      So, I am buying a new one. Fuck geezers, it is £117 plus VAT, I get that nasty evil tax back from the feds, i don't pay that bollocks, but £117 of my money for a fucking chair? Oh well, the arse-ache and backache is getting on my tits now so it has to be done. The new one is upholstered using YIDARTEX, pucker! Truly fucking pucker. Even my chair will be a Yid! The choice of colours is black, wine (red) or blue, guess which one I am going for?

      The advert bar at the top of the forum has read my mind and is brainwashing me into clicking on the company I have been researching so I will obey! Clicky click! Now, to be nice to @admin, all you other blokes should not ignore the granny escorts, huge dildo and male incontinence adverts you no doubt have displayed for you, based on your browsing history.

      YIDARTEX fabric, fucking triffic!
       
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    2. Thfcire

      Thfcire Well-Known Member Founding Member

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      My ad is for the sock shop ffs ,unless it's for wank socks I'm not seeing the connection lol
       
    3. Dorset

      Dorset The Voice Of Reason Founding Member

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      I just noticed that I said arse-ache and backache is getting on my tits, this from a bloke who has a fucking bit of fancy paper saying he can do anatomy and stuff is shocking!

      Any kiddies reading this should take note that the tits are not connected to the arse.
       
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    4. Don Diaz

      Don Diaz Zero tolerance of Numpty's Founding Member

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      I'm getting double glazed window adverts.......who is responsible??? I don't have windows in my cell......

      Luckily 'inprivate' browsing seems to work....especially for searching for ex - hamsters, if you know what I mean....
       
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    5. Dorset

      Dorset The Voice Of Reason Founding Member

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      I think the adverts are OK now, I seem to be getting what I have been looking for - chairs so that's nice. I was getting some strange ones earlier but it's all good now. I am not paranoid about Google knowing what I am looking at, if I don't want the bitch* to know what I'm doing then I log out of Chrome, fire up a VPN on a fresh virtual machine image, use TOR browser routed via your mum's house, sorted.

      *Google, the biggest bitch of all, but I love her because she gives me things like Google Drive, Maps, Docs, Sheets, Forms and all the other free goodies she uses to sweeten the suppository she is forcing up our bottoms..... oooh I lov her but I really hate her, the little prick tease. Sweeten a suppository? Yuck, I meant pill of course, but on the other hand if Miss GoogleDominatrix is an a sexy mood maybe it wouldn't be so bad......oooh err, ouch!!!!!!
       
    6. Dorset

      Dorset The Voice Of Reason Founding Member

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      ....ahhhhh, that's better. My new YIDARTEX cushioned chair is the very bollocks of the dog. My buttocks feel like they are being gently massaged by Rachel Riley, or they are floating in a warm ocean while gentle waves rock me from side to side, oooh that's nice. OK, a bit over the top, but this chair is well comfy! The down side of having lost a lot of weight (3 stone over the past 2 years) is that the padding around the arse department has been reduced, so my old chair started to feel like a pile of bricks.

      In my new 'manager chair' I feel like an executive type of geezer, if I had staff to boss around I would boss them around all over the place, if I wasn't self employed I would be looking at my boss in a "I'm coming for your job mate" tone of voice. I might wear my old business/wedding/funeral suit today instead of my lounge pants , Mrs D take note - they are lounge pants NOT pyjamas, that would be slobby, sitting round all day in pyjamas, does she think I'm a pikey?. Nah, I is a top, top executive innit?
       
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    7. skiathospurs

      skiathospurs Well-Known Member Founding Member

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    8. Dorset

      Dorset The Voice Of Reason Founding Member

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      .......yes, I AM Doctor Evil!
       

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