Simple Pleasures

[ClemFandango]

.. like talking to a “young” (20 is young to me!) fan about when Ossie nearly got us relegated.

Oh the shock on his young face

 

[Dave]

That first pint when you're on hols. Around 1pm with a toastie. Bliss.

 

[Dorset]

The first satsuma orange nicked from a local orange grove on my cycle route. Ha, 66 years old and I'm still scrumping fruit. I have had to be quick this year because the harvesting is being done 2 months earlier than usual 'cos of global warming.

 

[spurious]

Teaching kids how to swear.

My 8-year-old daughter helped me fix her Mom's bike the other day. Didn't say a word whilst I quietly, but steadily cursed under my breath as I showed her how to use a cone spanner, socket wrenches and the (very handy) third hand, etc.

Had a dinner-table conversation a week later, all of us talking about whether swearing is actually bad. My girl eventually spoke up to say that sometimes we swear when we're happy and calm, using me as an example.

But I don't think I'm ready to tell her what "motherfucker" means.

 

[Sneeky]

 

[Yid]

About a decade ago I was ripping up carpets in preparation for fitting wood floors...

My lad about 4 at the time wanted to help his dad but there wasn't a great deal he could help with but he brought up his Bob the builder hammer and hard hat as he saw me using a claw hammer to rip up those nasty bastard carpet grippers...

I gave him some bits of carpet and some gripper with no nails in and he sat at the edge of the room lining them up and hammering them just like daddy was doing...

BTW... Carpet grippers should be on the UN banned weapons list next to cluster bombs and Anthrax...!!!

I was cut to ribbons by these things and the Mrs brought me up a brew so I could have a 5 minute break.

We chatted and as a natural lul in the convo happened we looked round at the boy, who promptly stood up, threw down his hammer, shook his head and said "these fucking things"...!!!

We both pissed our selves as it was obvious he was just copying what he had heard... from me...!!!

Brilliant lovely memory...

 

[The Cryptkeeper]

Pie

 

[spurious]

Pie

Strawberry-rhubarb? Or steak-and-kidney?

 

[Dave]

That massive thunderous fart in the morning after an Indian the night before whilst managing to keep out of earshot of the wife and kids.

 

[Dorset]

Strawberry-rhubarb? Or steak-and-kidney?

Careful mate, pies are sacred in Australia! I had some of the best pies known to man when I lived there, ranging from hooves and gristle pies at the footy right up to gourmet fuckers, all served with ketchup of course.

 

[Dorset]

That massive thunderous fart in the morning after an Indian the night before whilst managing to keep out of earshot of the wife and kids.

Only a pleasure if the fart in question is not runny, runny farts are not a pleasure and as I have been told by a en expert, not actually farts, you learn sumffink every day eh?

 

[The Cryptkeeper]

Strawberry-rhubarb? Or steak-and-kidney?

All of it.

 

[Havocc]

Apple Crumble after a roast dinner….

 

[Don Diaz]

Here's a few.......
Your bag coming round the arrivals luggage carousel first after a flight.....
One cold beer at the back of the fridge when you think you've run out
Stripes on your back garden grass
Traffic lights turning green just as you get to them
An injury time winning goal
Perfectly angled and effective windscreen washers in your car
No sand on your towel when you lay it out at the beach......

 

[Dorset]

Apple Crumble after a roast dinner….

... and a nice thick custard.

 

[J.spurs]

Here's a few.......
Your bag coming round the arrivals luggage carousel first after a flight.....
One cold beer at the back of the fridge when you think you've run out
Stripes on your back garden grass
Traffic lights turning green just as you get to them
An injury time winning goal
Perfectly angled and effective windscreen washers in your car
No sand on your towel when you lay it out at the beach......

The injury time winner is the only one of these things that has happened to me in recent memory…

 

[spurious]

Here's a few.......
Your bag coming round the arrivals luggage carousel first after a flight.....
One cold beer at the back of the fridge when you think you've run out
Stripes on your back garden grass
Traffic lights turning green just as you get to them
An injury time winning goal
Perfectly angled and effective windscreen washers in your car
No sand on your towel when you lay it out at the beach......

I just last night found a half-quart tall can in the back of the fridge. My delight was dimmed a bit when I realized it was a shit gas-station lager we had smuggled back across the border from the States, but it was cold, and it was there.

Maybe not a simple pleasure, but a pleasure nonetheless.

 

[Glenjamin]

Doing a poo and only needing 1 wipe

 

[Yid]

Doing a poo and only needing 1 wipe

Unless you take a 2nd wipe... how do you know???

 

[Glenjamin]

Unless you take a 2nd wipe... how do you know???

When you know you know!

 

[Dave]

Doing a poo and only needing 1 wipe

One wipe ?? Well "somebody" waxes his hole.

 

[spurious]

One wipe ?? Well "somebody" waxes his hole.

Depends on what he's eating, I suppose.

 

[Glenjamin]

One wipe ?? Well "somebody" waxes his hole.

So cold here it's like a Denny's sausage you've dropped out the freezer!