Stats 2022 Season

[Dorset]

Somebody mentioned the other day that there were spurious rumours that we were the drossest of the dross in the shots made and conceded list. So, I have added a section to my sausage machine to monitor all the PL shots, on target, fouls and corners stats as the season progresses, if you want to have a look and play about with the sorting you will find i in the middle of his page:

2022 Season Premier League Football Matches

Statistics page and team index for all teams playing in the 2022 Football Premiership season

goalometer.com

As you can see we are not quite the worst, way down near the bottom in most of the sections, but it could be worse, no much, and it must get better or I will get right fucking grumpy!

Stats FOR:

Shots: 9 per game - 15th
On Target: 4 per game - 7th
Possession: 43% - 14th

Stats AGAINST :

Shots: 17 per game - 16th
On Target: 4 per game - 9th
Possession: 57% - 16th


Comparing our feeble shots per game of 9 against the top banana teams - Liverpool 25, City 21, Everton 14.
Comparing shots against per game of 17 - City 5, Wolves 8, Liverpool 9.
Fucking eeeek!

 

[Don Diaz]

I feel like we'll be treading water for a few seasons until Levy gets his post Covid deals done, the revenue streams up and running for just about every sport and culture that could fit in the Stadium and someone who wants to pay ENIC £2.5bn. Meanwhile the fans of the former football and athletic club known as Tottenham Hotspur can keep paying for Premier League averageness.........or not.......Levy isn't bothered, you don't make a big enough difference to his balance sheet.

 

[Yid]

I wonder if the sausage machine could produce stats to tell me if we pass backwards and sideways more than any other team in the Prem...?

 

[Dorset]

I wonder if the sausage machine could produce stats to tell me if we pass backwards and sideways more than any other team in the Prem...?

Nah mate, you'd need one of them there big doohickey, proper companies like Opta, not me and my Macbook! I'm sure that they have all that good stuff, but unless you are that wrinkly old facist, Australian cunt who owns all the newspapers you wouldn't be able to afford to use their data. Or you could just 'ave a butcher's and I think we all know what the answer would be! Big Data is .... big, but so much of it is fucking useless. I give no fucks about 'duels won', 'yards travelled', 'knob swinging direction' or any of that bollocks. I am very interested in goals, times of goals, shots, on target, corners, impact of red cards, if referees are known cunts or not, betting markets, probability and stuff like that. I have not done much work on the sausage machine over the last couple of years, but I am updating it now, well not now because I am typing this post, but I will be as soon as I stop poking the keyboard. I'll post the updates in this thread so you can enjoy the statistical loveliness - stats are cool!

 

[Dorset]

Sausage machine Update
17th September 2021
Valencian region, Spain

The Dorset Copopration DORCO announces an update to their famous Goalometer Sausage Machine site. The Performance section has been upgraded so the 3 people who actually look at this site can sort by various headings and no longer have to try and remember which column they are sorting by or which way. Also Performance Data has been added for the previous 5 seasons and visitors can access this by selecting the previous and next season buttons at the top of the page. One user was quoted as saying 'Fuck me, it's about fucking time, that was a steaming pile of fucking shit before, no it's just a pile of shit - a big improvement!'

2022 Season Premier League Football Matches

Statistics page and team index for all teams playing in the 2022 Football Premiership season

goalometer.com

 

[Don Diaz]

Sausage machine Update
17th September 2021
Valencian region, Spain

The Dorset Copopration DORCO announces an update to their famous Goalometer Sausage Machine site. The Performance section has been upgraded so the 3 people who actually look at this site can sort by various headings and no longer have to try and remember which column they are sorting by or which way. Also Performance Data has been added for the previous 5 seasons and visitors can access this by selecting the previous and next season buttons at the top of the page. One user was quoted as saying 'Fuck me, it's about fucking time, that was a steaming pile of fucking shit before, no it's just a pile of shit - a big improvement!'

2022 Season Premier League Football Matches

Statistics page and team index for all teams playing in the 2022 Football Premiership season

goalometer.com

Have you mentioned the site on Twitter or elsewhere?

 

[Dorset]

Have you mentioned the site on Twitter or elsewhere?

Nah mate, I'm not bothered really. I use it myself and I think it has earned me about £60 in Google ad revenue in all the years I have had it online. If I started promoting it then I would have to keep it up to date and sometimes I can't be fucked. It's really just a spin-off of something I used to get paid for in the olden days, if I can be fucked and live long enough I might try some of that AI business to build an app that does what I do with my brain when I calculate odds and probabilities, I don't even bother betting on football these days, the amount of work involved to make a 5% return on investment is not worth it. Some folks do it for a living, but I have got enough (just) money and the thought of doing 10-12 hours a day to get a bit more doesn't appeal to me.

 

[Dorset]

Somebody told that young folks use their phones for looking at the Internet! Yeah, it sounds daft as fuck, how can you look at a telly on a dog 'n bone?

Which end do you look into to see the lovely stats? Nah, in the words of Victor Meldrew - 'I do not believe it!'

Anyway, I have re-coded the stats stuff in the sausage machine so that you youngsters can look at the site on your phones without the gubbins spilling off the edge of the page and looking like total crap. This was a total pain in the arse and was like going back to the olden days when everything had to be coded differently because that bastard fucking Internet Exploder from Microshit refused to follow HTML standards and the site you had designed for a client looked fucking beautiful on every standards compliant browser - until they looked at it in that cunt of a browser and they used their telephone (like a fucking phone should be used) to tell you your site was shite and they weren't going to stump up the wonga.

It works on my phone and I have used some other phone simulations to see if it works and it does. If it does not work on your device do not hesitate to shut the fuck up because I don't care.

The Bad News:

We are now the second lowest team in the PL for number of shots, 6th lowest in possession, 3rd highest for shots conceded! Harry Kane has now equalled his longest dry run of matches in the Premiership, 4 games without a goal. If you are a glass half empty type of geezer then we are in the same position as we were after 5 games last year, if you are a glass smashed in the face type of geezer we have scored 12 less goals and the goal difference of -3 this year compared to +7 last years is fucking shocking.

2022 Season Premier League Football Matches

Statistics page and team index for all teams playing in the 2022 Football Premiership season

goalometer.com

 

[ClemFandango]

Here’s a stat to be proud of ..

 

[Style And Glory]

Here’s a stat to be proud of ..

It is laughable & also factual. Only Spurs.

 

[Yid]

Here’s a stat to be proud of ..

Very Spursy.....

 

[Dorset]

Here’s a stat to be proud of ..

It's a bit of a pointless stat really. This situation is only really likely at the start of a season when a game or two either way can have a massive, disproportionate effect on league positions. there have been seasons when 6 points has been enough to be top of the table after 3 games, one '6 pointer' could whiz the bottom club above the top club easily. It is as daft as celebrating us being top of the table after 3 games which we could have easily lost, we didn't deserve to win 2 of them that's for sure. I like stats, but this sort of stuff is just looking for another stick to beat the donkey with and there are enough prope sticks available. A stat I find useful as a beating stick is : 4 goals in 540 minutes of PL football, 1 goal every 135 minutes - any top striker would be disappointed with that sort of strike rate on his fucking own, let alone as part of a team.