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The Spam Thread

Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
Likes
1,188
#1
OK @Don Diaz, you said we needed a food thread, I don't know why, maybe you didn't say that and it was another fucking hallucination, maybe this forum is just a product of my increasingly fucked up brain. Are you real? Am I real? What is real?

Why do we need a food thread when it is so obviously on-topic to discuss how wonderful Marmite is, how delicious marzipan is and how mind fuckingly awful okra is within threads about anything related to THFC? Dunno.

Anyway, I have been getting hundreds of Spam message about weight loss recently to one of my email accounts. It is well fucking ironic when you think about it because Spam is not really known for its weight reducing properties as it is usually served in a delicious fritter, which has of course been fried in lard.

All these weight-loss pills and diets get right on my thrupnies. There IS a guaranteed way of losing weight - do more, eat less. Unless the laws of thermodynamics have been repealed you either burn it or wear it.

There is no such thing as a weight burning superfood, some cunt tried to tell me that if I bought this secret berry I could eat as much as I liked as long as I scoffed a 5g tablet every day of the rainforest 'boogywoogyberry' it would burn all the fat away. £5 a day on something that was probably just fucking chalk.

All the fantastic results you read about diets make my arse itch. Of fucking course you will lose weight if you only have cabbage fucking soup for a month, it is not a fucking miracle, it is fucking calorie reduction - duh. You will also die if you stay on this diet for longer than that because amazingly cabbage fucking soup does not have all the nutrients you need.

Fat cunts talk about being 'on a diet' and how they will be super trim and healthy at the end of it. Stupid! If you go 'on a die't and you think there is an end you will end up even more lardy and be a fucking drain on the NHS when they have to cut off your legs because of fucking type 2 Diabetes. Are you fucking stupid or what?

Eat Spam if you want. Eat cake if you want. Don't eat McDonalds or anything from that facist arsehole of a country until they rejoin the human race and get rid of 45. Eat crap food if you want. BUT NOT EVERY FUCKING DAY AND AT EVERY FUCKING MEAL! Take some control, read the fucking labels, count the calories and stop blaming the companies that sell you the crap - you gobble it up so it's your fault you are an obese monstrosity.
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
Likes
1,188
#2
Okra is fucking disgusting and should be made illegal. It will be come the revolution and Marmite haters will re 're-educated' harshly.
 
Don Diaz

Don Diaz

Zero tolerance of Numpty's
Founding Member
Likes
1,944
#3
I don't think I ever ate Spam.....or to give it it's luxury name - Luncheon meat. I'm not even sure it was 'meat'. I remember Monty Python made it even more famous in it's own sketch and I think the Uruguyans tried to get in on the act with a version made by Fray Bentos - they might not be Uruguyan, the company is probably based in Huddersfield and they've just nicked the name from the place in Uruguay. Anyway they also make steak and kidney pie in a tin, which is an atrocity....a traditional pie in a fucking tin??

Sorry - Spam no thanks, complete nonsense deserves only to be fried with Mars bars for fat people about to die apparently a delicacy in Scotland? Marmite yes please, had some on toast this morning for brekkie, marzipan can fuck right off, ruined every birthday cake for me when i was under 10, and I had some delicious anchovies last night in a Caesar salad.

Good thread.
 
Don Diaz

Don Diaz

Zero tolerance of Numpty's
Founding Member
Likes
1,944
#5
Good one......I can take it or leave it, definitely needs something with it, like a bit of Colmans - either mustard or horseradish and maybe a lettuce leaf or a tomato, even a bit of cheese.....?? Got to be Colman's though, not this Dijon nonsense.
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
Likes
1,188
#6
What the fuck is corned beef? Is it beef with corn or what? I asked the Internet!

Corned beef is a salt-cured beef product. The term comes from the treatment of the meat with large grained rock salt, also called "corns" of salt. Most recipes include nitrates or nitrites, which convert the natural myoglobin in beef to nitrosomyoglobin, giving a pink color. Nitrates and nitrites reduce the risk of dangerous botulism during curing by inhibiting the growth of Clostridium botulinum spores.​

Who knew? The Internet is a cess pit of right wing hate and fake news, but it does tell you interesting stuff.

I haven't had corned beef for years, I used to like it so I might buy a tin from Tescos tomorrow and revisit the good old days.
 
Motspur Hotspur

Motspur Hotspur

Player in Training.
Likes
190
#7
oooo and brown sauce, HP of course I'm not a fucking savage!

Eggs, hard boiled, you can fuck right off. They stink, taste fowl the texture if grainy and rank. In fact I'm feeling sick as I type this. Why would you take a fresh egg and hard boil it to fuck? WHY, you could go scrambled, a nice little omelette (with chips and beans),or good old yucky egg with bread soldiers loverly but hard boiled... and then the final insult egg mayonnaise no, no, no, no, no, no just no.

I feel sick.
 
Last edited:
Ted the Yid

Ted the Yid

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Likes
209
#9
Meat should never come from a tin (the occasional Fray Bentos steak and kidney pudding aside, but that's a hassle to cook so I'll ignore it).

Spam - grim
Corned beef - sick (bad sick, not the good sick that youngsters use these days to describe things they like, fucking weirdos)
Tinned tuna - worse thing ever, hate it, like cat food but trickier to open.

I'm sure it's no coincidence that these food items used to come in a tin with a key that guaranteed you bled half a thumbs full of blood opening the fucker, that's what gave it it's flavour.
 
Yid

Yid

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Likes
712
#10
Right you bunch of cunts...

Spam... childhood... Yes (dipped in batter and deep fried to fuck, god I haven't had one for decades).
Corned beef... adolescence and self sufficient fishing trips (with horse radish you fucking heathens)... Yes.
Frey Bentos (anything)... castle... blood... too much pain for not enough gain... No.
Tinned tuna... fuck yeah I lived in the shit for 10 years... Yes. (Now gone middle class and regularly opt for tinned Mackerell).
Anchovies... Dirty cunts... No.
Marzipan... as a kid yup (I was a fat little cunt, now as a fat big cunt it can fuck it's almond self)... No.
Boiled eggs... only if I over cook them... maybe...

I now raise you... Liver...... YESSSS...!!!
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
Likes
1,188
#12
oooo and brown sauce, HP of course I'm not a fucking savage!

Eggs, hard boiled, you can fuck right off. They stink, taste fowl the texture if grainy and rank. In fact I'm feeling sick as I type this. Why would you take a fresh egg and hard boil it to fuck? WHY, you could go scrambled, a nice little omelette (with chips and beans),or good old yucky egg with bread soldiers loverly but hard boiled... and then the final insult egg mayonnaise no, no, no, no, no, no just no.

I feel sick.
Eggs taste fowl? What else would they taste of, unless they were lizard eggs or summfink.

I had hard boiled eggs with mayo on toast for brekkie this morning, luvverly. An omelette with beans? You can fuck right off with that old bollocks. I have said it before and I will say it again, egg products must NEVER touch baked beans. The thought of a lovely fried egg, runny yolk and firm white being contaminated by bean juice or fried tomato ooze makes we want to vomit. Baked beans should of course only be served on buttered toast with fuck all else.
 
skiathospurs

skiathospurs

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Likes
3,277
#13
I love that no one gives a fuck about proving what they so called know about line-ups,tactics in a matchday thread here,and the real convo is about corned beef eggs and baked beans,which i would eat all together on the same plate,so fuck y`all.
 
skiathospurs

skiathospurs

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Likes
3,277
#14
Someone here is having this for lunch today,you know who you are !!:D

 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
Likes
1,188
#24
I love that no one gives a fuck about proving what they so called know about line-ups,tactics in a matchday thread here,and the real convo is about corned beef eggs and baked beans,which i would eat all together on the same plate,so fuck y`all.
...and that is exactly why they kicked us out of the other place, we don't know nuffing about FIFA, but we made them feel so inferior with our PHDs in Corned Beef and Fry ups. If only we knew about FIFA and were proper Tottingham Spurs fans we might have been allowed to stay.
 
Don Diaz

Don Diaz

Zero tolerance of Numpty's
Founding Member
Likes
1,944
#26
Wow! There's a lot going on here all of a sudden....including fake taxi porn on a good thread? Maybe it's the anchovies that's confusing everyone?

I need time to consider and react....I like liver, coated in flour to make it crispy then flash fried in Olive oil....look at me cheffing around the place...ha ha, I can't cook for bollocks!
 
Yid

Yid

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Likes
712
#27
I love that no one gives a fuck about proving what they so called know about line-ups,tactics in a matchday thread here,and the real convo is about corned beef eggs and baked beans,which i would eat all together on the same plate,so fuck y`all.
Mate put that fucker between 2 slices of bread and I am all over that.
 
Don Diaz

Don Diaz

Zero tolerance of Numpty's
Founding Member
Likes
1,944
#29
I think the wine waiter needs to be sacked. One does not serve Heineken with a fry up. Basic Sommelier 101 that is.
Correct, Coffee, tea or Guinness are the only beverages required
 

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