Three Season Wonder

[Dorset]

Due to a couple of flukey goals yesterday, our three season wonder has moved to a MPG (Minutes Per Goal) of 99. In case you are wondering that is is farking good, very farking good indeed. His nearest rival in goals scored and MPG is Lukaku, his MPG is 126. Imagine if Harry wasn't having a poor season like the experts over in the other place have been saying!

An MPG figure of below 100 has only been achieved 5 times in the Premiership:

2008 Cristiano Ronaldo 31 Goals, MPG 88
2010 Didier Drogba 29 Goals, MPG 95
2015 Sergio Aguero 26 Goals, MPG 97
2014 Luis Suarez 30 Goals, MPG 98
2006 Thierry Henry 27 Goals, MPG 98

Hate them or loathe them, those geezers were the absolute, very bollocks of the dog, Harry is on his way to be name an official Dog Testicle. The highest number of goals scored in a 20 team Premiership season was 31, achieved by Alan Shearer in 1996 and Ronaldo in 2008, Harry only needs 13 more goals in the remaining 11 games to become the biggest dog goolie the PL has ever seen.

So far our 'one season wonder' has been very lucky, due to some crap goalkeeping and lucky goals Harry has done OK, although he was total shite in 2015, he only managed to come 2nd in the PL goalscorer rankings.

2015 First season wonder - 2nd
2016 Second season wonder - 1st
2017 Third season wonder so far - 1st

2017 Premier league Goalscorers Table

 

[Dorset]

Let's not forget Delé! I have read so much shite about how we should have, could have signed Mané and how fucking great he is.

Delé is better than Mané! Dele is currently 6th in the PL goalscorer table so far this season on 13 goals, Mané is joint 7th on goals scored, with that useless, over-rated Aguero bloke who is nowhere near as good as Kané. Not only has Delé scored more goals than Mané his MPG is better! Why do I keep banging on about MPG? Well, it's a fair way of comparing blokes innit? Unless of course you are talking about cunts like Giroud, then it is irrelevant.

13 goals so far for Dele, and 6th in the list of PL scorers - that is fucking tremendous! Yuge!

If we take Delé and Kané as a pair then they are the absolute bestestest pair of goalscorers we have ever had in the Premiership, the previous best pair was Sheringham and Armstrong back in 1996, they netted 31 between them. Delé and Kané got 35 last season and are already on 32 this season! Yes, they are even better than Robbie and Dimmy back in 2008, they only managed 30!

 

[Liam]

Fair play to both of the lads. To think some people wanted Dele benched after getting sent off against Gent. Wouldn't it be great if they could score 30 (Kane) and 20 (Dele) for the season! 50 league goals between two players would blow previous strike partnerships out of the water!!!!

 

[skiathospurs]

Harry "tap in merchant" Kane, has more goals from outside the box than any other player in the Premier League this season

 

[Dorset]

Top Partnerships of All Time:

10th Ant and Dec
9th Fish and Chips
8th Ben and Jerry
7th Paul Simon and the other bloke
6th Scooby Doo and Shaggy
5th Laurel and Hardy
4th Ronnie and Reggie
3rd Ronnie and Ronnie (Barker and Corbett)
2nd Morecambe and Wise

1st: Delé and Kané

 

[Dorset]

Fair play to both of the lads. To think some people wanted Dele benched after getting sent off against Gent. Wouldn't it be great if they could score 30 (Kane) and 20 (Dele) for the season! 50 league goals between two players would blow previous strike partnerships out of the water!!!!

It would be pretty special, I think that the best ever partnership in a 20 team season was Suarez and Sturrridge with 52 in 2014, the code for working that out is well tricky so I can't say for sure until I work out how to do that. There are 11 more games to go and it is not unreasonable to think that D&K could get 13 more goals between them this season, in fact I think that is nailed on! Could this be yet a another record for the Poch's boys to break ? He is very lucky that Pokeycheeno isn't he?

 

[Liam]

It would be pretty special, I think that the best ever partnership in a 20 team season was Suarez and Sturrridge with 52 in 2014, the code for working that out is well tricky so I can't say for sure until I work out how to do that. There are 11 more games to go and it is not unreasonable to think that D&K could get 13 more goals between them this season, in fact I think that is nailed on! Could this be yet a another record for the Poch's boys to break ? He is very lucky that Pokeycheeno isn't he?

Barring any injuries I think they'll get another 13 between them!!!

 

[skiathospurs]

Top Partnerships of All Time:

10th Ant and Dec
9th Fish and Chips
8th Ben and Jerry
7th Paul Simon and the other bloke
6th Scooby Doo and Shaggy
5th Laurel and Hardy
4th Ronnie and Reggie
3rd Ronnie and Ronnie (Barker and Corbett)
2nd Morecambe and Wise

1st: Delé and Kané

wenger&rolf???

 

[conor1]

Not convinced.
His goalkeeping needs to improve before he gets my vote of confidence and rumour has it he can't boil an egg properly.

 

[Basskadet]

If only he could figure out how to score goals pre-November...

 

[conor1]

If only he could figure out how to score goals pre-November...

That's a fair point. I mean last season he didn't get going until November and this season he missed something like 8-9 games!!

 

[Liam]

Imagine the numbers he'd hit if he went injury free all season and scored 5 or 6 in the first ten games...

 

[Wotspur]

Top Partnerships of All Time:

10th Ant and Dec
9th Fish and Chips
8th Ben and Jerry
7th Paul Simon and the other bloke
6th Scooby Doo and Shaggy
5th Laurel and Hardy
4th Ronnie and Reggie
3rd Ronnie and Ronnie (Barker and Corbett)
2nd Morecambe and Wise

1st: Delé and Kané

Sorry but where is Batman and Robin
And tom and Jerry

 

[Wotspur]

 

[Finchbee]

Harry "tap in merchant" Kane, has more goals from outside the box than any other player in the Premier League this season

That stat always makes me smile...

 

[Dorset]

Get rid of the useless cunt, he's not top of the PL goalscorer list anymore. OK, he is still top on Minutes Per Goal though so I suppose we can give him one final chance to prove he's not a 3 season wonder. Letting Lukaku go ahead and using the old 'I wasn't playing because of injury' excuse is just not good enough.

 

[Don Diaz]

Harry "tap in merchant" Kane, has more goals from outside the box than any other player in the Premier League this season

Apart from Christian Eriksen? ha ha

 

[Yid]

Top Partnerships of All Time:

10th Ant and Dec
9th Fish and Chips
8th Ben and Jerry
7th Paul Simon and the other bloke
6th Scooby Doo and Shaggy
5th Laurel and Hardy
4th Ronnie and Reggie
3rd Ronnie and Ronnie (Barker and Corbett)
2nd Morecambe and Wise

1st: Delé and Kané

BULLLLLSHIIITTTT...

Chase and Dave are on that list (at least 3rd imo)... unless you have omitted them due to the spurious "double beard" factor...!!!

 

[Dorset]

BULLLLLSHIIITTTT...

Chase and Dave are on that list (at least 3rd imo)... unless you have omitted them due to the spurious "double beard" factor...!!!

Blame Populism mate, I had to include Ant & Dec for them folks who bang on about 'the will of the people', those cunts get right on my tits but apparently these days they have a voice, and people with IQs higher than a slug have to listen to the bollocks they say, and they demand Ant & Dec innit. Obviously I would have included the immortal duo, but - Gertcha! Mel & Sue should be on the list as well, but with Bakeoff being a victim of this shit new world order they are omitted.

There are so many deserving duos but how can they all be included? Curry and Rice (the food not the actor and the shit lyrics writer bloke) , the national dish of Ingerland - fucking ironic that, all those neanderthals banging on about the fucking immigrants would go mental if they couldn't get a nice Ruby takeaway.

What about Fred and Ginger - yes I will include septics on the list. Bill & Ben, Black & Decker, Danger Mouse & Penfold and my absolute favourites Kernighan and Richie - although of course if we were going for threezies it would be Aho, Kernighan and Weinberger, goes without saying that, but I said it anyway, fucking rebel I am, saying things that don't need to be said - edgy!

 

[Don Diaz]

Didn't make the cut.......

Sooty & Sweep
Archibald & Crooks
Smith & Wesson
B & Q

 

[Dorset]

Didn't make the cut.......

Sooty & Sweep
Archibald & Crooks
Smith & Wesson
B & Q

Sweep was OK, but Sooty was a cunt. It is a common phenomemememen that in some partnerships there will be a Morecambe and there will be a Wise, a Sweep and pansy-arsed cunt like Sooty, I always hated that little fucker. Ben was a bit of a cunt as well, he would never have been a star without Bill, weee-eed! Yeah they must have been puffing on some. Lennon and that wanker was another partnership where one was talented and the other was and still is a cunt.

Of course there are famous partnerships where both of the cunts are cunts, like Lloyd-Webber and Rice, they are both total cunts.

 

[Don Diaz]

Sweep was OK, but Sooty was a cunt. It is a common phenomemememen that in some partnerships there will be a Morecambe and there will be a Wise, a Sweep and pansy-arsed cunt like Sooty, I always hated that little fucker. Ben was a bit of a cunt as well, he would never have been a star without Bill, weee-eed! Yeah they must have been puffing on some. Lennon and that wanker was another partnership where one was talented and the other was and still is a cunt.

Of course there are famous partnerships where both of the cunts are cunts, like Lloyd-Webber and Rice, they are both total cunts.

....All three of Lloyd Webber and Rice I'd say......a lot of 'cunts' being outed today it seems.

 

[Yid]

@Dorset I'm happy with that rationale... When I say happy I'm not and actually pissed off but I'll play passive aggressive and simply whine and bitch about you behind your back in PMs @Thfcire you have PM mate.

For clarity I have broached the problem of correctly labeling mutiple cunts.

I came up with the following:
Singular is referred to as a CUNT. Eg. "Look at that stupid french CUNT waving his arms about now they're 3-1 down...!!! That CUNT is sure to get the sack sooner or later...!!!

Two individual CUNTS in close proximity are referred to as POC'S (PAIR OF CUNTS). Eg. The top two most dispicable POC'S are Sol Cuntbell and Jack Wheelchair.

Three or more CUNTS congregating or as part of a comon colective are referred to as BOC'S (BUNCH OF CUNTS). Eg. The entire fan base of those cuckoo mothers cunt of a club are a complete and utter BOC'S.

Please consider this a public service announcement and promulgate the contained information a necessary.

Yid.