Will it be a nice wheelchair? I want a blue one with loads of chrome and nice comfy cushions, one of them checked blankets and a commode so I can have a poo without you having push me to the bogs, you can go and empty it after you have wiped and powered my bottom. There will have to be panniers for me to keep my sardines and peperamis in, and my flask of tea of course. They must be leather panniers with NO fucking tassels, my mate's Harley looks like so 'Blue Oyster' with the fucking tassels on the panniers, I used to tell him to grow a tash and get a leather hat. Actually, I don't need anywhere for my flask, you can just go and get me a fresh cup of tea whenever I want one.
If you are going push me into the away end then I'll need some of them blade things they have on chariots, and I'll need some baby reins to stop you from running off and playing with those Chelsea fans, you remember what nearly happened last time when you tried to wander off unsupervised don't you?
Actually at the moment I am probably fitter than most of you cunts as I decided I'd rather sort myself out with diet and exercise instead of those nasty drugs the little kid who is supposed to me my GP keeps trying to get me to take, fuck off sonny, just fuck off. I do 120 miles a week on the exercise bike, a bit of weight training and I hardly drink at all. In fact I am fitter than I have been since I was a teenager, that was when I discovered drink, drugs and fags (not the Blue Oyster kind).
Next week they are ripping my bastard gallbladder out, I am going to draw where it is with permanent marker on my belly - I don't trust these cunts, when I went to see the surgeon my fucking GP had sent the wrong fucking notes! When that annoying fucker with all its stones is gone I will be even fitter.
Yeah, I'm up for it!