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And another thing......

Yid

Yid

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
That sandy shit is all over my fucking motor... its in the pissing rain and now my car looks like I've been fuckin rallying...!!!

Hey, at least the Polish lads and lasses will benefit when a slew of cars are dropped off for a quick vallet over the next few days...
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
Since you have now fled to Spain to avoid all the shit we put up with here, what's the current situation there? Have you got a couple of Ukrainians moving in any time soon? What's Spain like as a place to live? I'm a bit partial to a slice of Catalunya.
Está bien aquí mate! Apart from the shite weather at the moment it's pretty great. The Spaniels are nearly all friendly and welcoming, the health service is way better than the NHS, I of course found that out last year! Council tax is about a third of what we paid in England, the weather is usually better of course. Our electricity bills have gone down - yep, none of that old bollocks you lot get, we are paying less per day than we were 3 years ago - fuck, 3 years already, whooosh that's my life flashing in front of my eyes.

The bureaucracy is a pain, getting our residency sorted wasn't fun and there is no way ever I would attempt to fill in my own tax return form, even the locals don't understand it, we pay a nice lawyer lady about €100 and she does it for us. They love a nice big file of paperwork here! We get English telly and radio using VPN witchcraft, ssshhhh don't tell anyone! I love Spanglish food, going out for a top quality lunch costs us about €50 including drinks in a seafront restaurant, nice! Where we live is great for cycling, I go out for a ride most days or I take a walk up into the mountain that is about 1k from my house, the beach is also about that far away (800m according to the estate agent). Having a pool is really nice, there is no way we could have afforded a house like we have with a fecking pool in England.

The politics is as politics does. Half the country are moaning about the socialists and pining for Franco (not half, a huge exaggeration but like everywhere those cunts have loud voices). Some of the money actually gets spent on stuff like hospitals, roads, health centres, community stuff etc. I don't hablar enough español to really understand it, but my next door neighbour tells me they're all cunts (I think that's what he is saying, he speaks fucking Valencian when he gets excited) so same old same old.

Best of all, with our Spanish residency cards we have freedom of movement in the EU and of course the UK cos we're still Ingerlish innit?
 
Don Diaz

Don Diaz

Zero tolerance of Numpty's
Founding Member
Hey, at least the Polish lads and lasses will benefit when a slew of cars are dropped off for a quick vallet over the next few days...
There's a lot of those around our way - modern day slavery apparently according to local plod.
 
Don Diaz

Don Diaz

Zero tolerance of Numpty's
Founding Member
Está bien aquí mate! Apart from the shite weather at the moment it's pretty great. The Spaniels are nearly all friendly and welcoming, the health service is way better than the NHS, I of course found that out last year! Council tax is about a third of what we paid in England, the weather is usually better of course. Our electricity bills have gone down - yep, none of that old bollocks you lot get, we are paying less per day than we were 3 years ago - fuck, 3 years already, whooosh that's my life flashing in front of my eyes.

The bureaucracy is a pain, getting our residency sorted wasn't fun and there is no way ever I would attempt to fill in my own tax return form, even the locals don't understand it, we pay a nice lawyer lady about €100 and she does it for us. They love a nice big file of paperwork here! We get English telly and radio using VPN witchcraft, ssshhhh don't tell anyone! I love Spanglish food, going out for a top quality lunch costs us about €50 including drinks in a seafront restaurant, nice! Where we live is great for cycling, I go out for a ride most days or I take a walk up into the mountain that is about 1k from my house, the beach is also about that far away (800m according to the estate agent). Having a pool is really nice, there is no way we could have afforded a house like we have with a fecking pool in England.

The politics is as politics does. Half the country are moaning about the socialists and pining for Franco (not half, a huge exaggeration but like everywhere those cunts have loud voices). Some of the money actually gets spent on stuff like hospitals, roads, health centres, community stuff etc. I don't hablar enough español to really understand it, but my next door neighbour tells me they're all cunts (I think that's what he is saying, he speaks fucking Valencian when he gets excited) so same old same old.

Best of all, with our Spanish residency cards we have freedom of movement in the EU and of course the UK cos we're still Ingerlish innit?
it's a Catalunyan future for me, wifey and my motorbike I think. We're coming over to Valencia in July for a visit. I much prefer it to Barcelona.
 
Sneeky

Sneeky

Player in Training.
SEI_93605188-760x507.jpg


South east Spain.
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
SEI_93605188-760x507.jpg


South east Spain.
That's what it was like here a few days ago, we could start our own sand business with the amount dumped in our garden, the pool has got its own beach now, it will be a bastard getting that lot out. Spain in March is normally glorious, this March is poxy. Freezing cold, raining, unbreathable air and we've got at least two more weeks of this. Oh well, the reservoirs were low, they're not now.
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
it's a Catalunyan future for me, wifey and my motorbike I think. We're coming over to Valencia in July for a visit. I much prefer it to Barcelona.
Barcelona is OK, way too many people. Valencia is nice, too many people. My idea of the big smoke is Denia, still too many people but not like those big cities. Why the fuck anybody would want to live in Madrid is beyond me, the weather is poxy in the winter and unbearably hot in the summer - and a fuck load too many people. This is what I like about Spain, I took his snap 8 days ago up in the hills above Denia:
Montgo Moutain Path.jpg

No people, blue sky, no fucking people!
 
Don Diaz

Don Diaz

Zero tolerance of Numpty's
Founding Member
Barcelona is OK, way too many people. Valencia is nice, too many people. My idea of the big smoke is Denia, still too many people but not like those big cities. Why the fuck anybody would want to live in Madrid is beyond me, the weather is poxy in the winter and unbearably hot in the summer - and a fuck load too many people. This is what I like about Spain, I took his snap 8 days ago up in the hills above Denia:
View attachment 1626
No people, blue sky, no fucking people!
Nice, I'm going up a few trails like that in the Atlas Mountains in a few weeks time on a motorbike. Denia is nice, spent a bit of time up the road in Moraira a hundred years ago.
 
Don Diaz

Don Diaz

Zero tolerance of Numpty's
Founding Member
International breaks.........and friendlies, boring. I don't want to see how good a Crystal Palace prospect is against Switzerland.

and.....the FA. I'm not a fan of either Liverpool or Man City but why don't the FA play the FA Cup semi final at Old Trafford rather than Wembley. There are no trains that weekend and 80,000 fans have to get to London. It's alright for the FA blazer types, they'll get a Chauffeur car for them and their girlfriend from Hampstead about 3 miles away, what a bunch of cunts they are..... (not the Liverpool fans the FA, wink)
 
Last edited:
The Cryptkeeper

The Cryptkeeper

The Aussie Yid
..and another thing. This seems to be a good place to rant about 'other things' eh? I am stuck in the house, trapped, in fucking isolation because of the fucking Sahara fucking desert sending all its fucking sand over here. The air quality is officially rated as 'fucking nasty' and us venerable people are being advised to stay indoors. We have a couple of those air purifier doohickeys working their doodahs off to clean the shitty, nasty, sand infected air. It is also cold, this time last year I was wearing shorts, swimming in the sea and bragging to friends how much better Spain is than where they live. Luckily Mrs D is not a health risk like me, so she can go out and do the shopping - I have to stay home and watch movies and laze around - every cloud has a silver lining, or should that be a fucking sandpit lining?

Two more weeks of this to endure, I should make it without going more mentally deranged than I was before this lockdown.

I am making the most of my incarceration, I have written several letters to my MP, yep, I still have one of them, I'm still a British citizen and can still vote in UK elections for another 11 years. I have been asking him why he UK is so far behind the rest of Europe in helping refugees from Ukraine, why it took so long to apply sanctions to known oligarchs, why hundreds of hem sanctioned by the EU and the US still have not been sanctioned, why Boris Johnson elevated the son of a KGB officer to the Lords, why the same cunt ditched his security to have a cozy chat with that KGB agent, why his party have taken £10m in 'donations' from Russians. Most importantly I have been explaining, politely because getting umpty with these crooks gets you nowhere, that refugees are not fucking immigrants and they should not and do not in a civilised society need fucking visas. Shameful stuff from the evil Cruella Patel and the Russian asset Johnson. I might fire off another one asking why his mate Gove, in his temper tantrum yesterday, said that the 'Hostile environment' was invented by a Labour Home Secretary and does he recall that Theresa May was in fact most definitely not a a Labour Home Secretary.

100,000 good, decent, caring British people have offered to house Ukrainian refugees, the majority of people in the UK are fucking great, sadly the government are evil, crooked, bastards who will do anything to keep the support of their base - who are fcukwitted, selfish xenophobes. I somehow don't think that Cruella will be issuing the 2 or 3 hundred thousand visas that the 100k of offers would cover, which would be a fair share of the burden.

I might also fire off a letter to Gove and ask why he is such a cunt - is he still using the Charlie? Time to stop that bollocks mate, it fucks up your noggin.

I could tailor that, change a few names and direct it to the morally bankrupt, racist shitcunt of an Australian government.

Scott Morrison, remember that name for he will be remembered as the worst Prime Minister in my country’s history.
 
J.spurs

J.spurs

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
International breaks.........and friendlies, boring. I don't want to see how good a Crystal Palace prospect is against Switzerland.

and.....the FA. I'm not a fan of either Liverpool or Man City but why don't the FA play the FA Cup semi final at Old Trafford rather than Wembley. There are no trains that weekend and 80,000 fans have to get to London. It's alright for the FA blazer types, they'll get a Chauffeur car for them and their girlfriend from Hampstead about 3 miles away, what a bunch of cunts they are..... (not the Liverpool fans the FA, wink)
I love international football (and there were some great qualifying matches this time around) but the friendlies are especially irrelevant now since the WC is in fucking December.
 
Don Diaz

Don Diaz

Zero tolerance of Numpty's
Founding Member
And another thing......why the fuck do we all obsess about the last 10 games or so every season, then the last 6 etc. when in fact the first 10 or the the first 6 are just as important. All that guff about let's see how well we're doing by end of October or Christmas.....nonsense. Every game matters first, 17th, 26th or last.
If we'd played better sooner, hired Conte in the Summer, we could all have our feet up now.
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
I'm traumatised! I went off early this morning up into the local mountain to do some sunrise photography, like I normally do when it's hot like it is now. I was snapping away at some bees on a splendid example of ... some fucking flower, what do I know? I heard a rustling in the undergrowth, I ignored it, but it got louder and I looked over to my right and there was a fucking wild boar about 2m away! I probably screamed like a little girl or at least grabbed my tripod to defend myself and he legged it away. I read some bullshit about thousands of folks being killed by wild boar in Spain every day and thought I was a gonner. Doing some more sensible research I found out that it is extremely unlikely that a wild boar will attack a human bean - something like 400 attacks globally in 182 years and most of those have been on hunters, stupid cunts who try and chase them or people who let their dogs run wild murdering these cute little piggies.

Next time I will be brave and try and get a picture of the terrifying monster.
 
Sneeky

Sneeky

Player in Training.
Fuk me your getting your monies worth out of life...2nd near death experience seems a bit greedy to me.

Ommmshankavarna
 
Sneeky

Sneeky

Player in Training.
and another thing,
Been watching a place in the sun on the box as we all know they are the guru's for all relocating to the sunny parts..
Why does nearly all Spanish residence have bars on the windows ?
Are they all Hannibal Lecter types there ?

Ahh it's the wild boars init
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
and another thing,
Been watching a place in the sun on the box as we all know they are the guru's for all relocating to the sunny parts..
Why does nearly all Spanish residence have bars on the windows ?
Are they all Hannibal Lecter types there ?

Ahh it's the wild boars init
The bars are to keep me out (or in, depending on what sort of mood I'm in). Nah, it's so you can leave yer windows open when it's scorchio, and not get too murdered innit?

Place in the sun is fun, we watched one on our local area a few weeks back, but a lot of the houses they feature are dodgy as fuck. The cheap casas are normally cheap because they or the previous owners have outstanding mortgages, fines, penalties for building without a permit etc. All those nasties stay with the house so if you buy one you are fucked. We had a really good lawyer in place before we even looked at any houses, one of the agents asked who our lawyer was and promptly took about 8 house off his pile of prospective viewings - 'she won't let you buy any of them' is what he said.
 
Yid

Yid

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Why does nearly all Spanish residence have bars on the windows ?
Bees mate... proper cunts...

I'm in la Spania now cycling.

Majorca to be precise... its fucking hot and I can't drink for shit. Lads are murdering me night after night then expecting me to cycle for miles and miles.

Cunts.

My piss is currently the same colour and consistency as Marmalade... I'm so dehydrated it's ridiculous.

My kidneys hurt, and I have so much salt over my face its like I've stared in my own Bukake movie.

2 more days and I can come home to rain hopefully.
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
Bees mate... proper cunts...

I'm in la Spania now cycling.

Majorca to be precise... its fucking hot and I can't drink for shit. Lads are murdering me night after night then expecting me to cycle for miles and miles.

Cunts.

My piss is currently the same colour and consistency as Marmalade... I'm so dehydrated it's ridiculous.

My kidneys hurt, and I have so much salt over my face its like I've stared in my own Bukake movie.

2 more days and I can come home to rain hopefully.
Sounds like you're having a lovely time! It's proper sticky today, we're level with Mallorca, a bit of sea between us but the weather's the same. First time this year we've turned the fans on. - humid as fuck, I went out at 5.30 this morning on my bike and I've stayed indoors since I got back at 10 o 'clock.
 
Don Diaz

Don Diaz

Zero tolerance of Numpty's
Founding Member
Bees mate... proper cunts...

I'm in la Spania now cycling.

Majorca to be precise... its fucking hot and I can't drink for shit. Lads are murdering me night after night then expecting me to cycle for miles and miles.

Cunts.

My piss is currently the same colour and consistency as Marmalade... I'm so dehydrated it's ridiculous.

My kidneys hurt, and I have so much salt over my face its like I've stared in my own Bukake movie.

2 more days and I can come home to rain hopefully.
get yourself up Sa Calobra mate, and stop moaning you cunt.

;) :p
 
Yid

Yid

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
get yourself up Sa Calobra mate, and stop moaning you cunt.

;) :p
Bottled it... lads got on the piss wayyyyyyyy too much and we smashed distance on the flats instead... and then Tapas... and then 6 cervezas pou favour. Done 130 miles over the last 2 days and it's still not flat... forster 2 days we were written off until mid day and only banged out 13 miles... and then stepped it up to 40.

We'll be back in Oct to fuck up up the mountains... I've got some work to do
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
This fucking heat wave is getting on my tits now. It's quarter past six o'clock in old money, 18:15 in proper European time and the temperature has gone down to 38 fucking degrees C, fuck know what that is in Fahrenheit, nobody cares, only backward 3rd world countries would use that shit. I expect you lot in the UK who are whingeing about 28 being too hot are all making good use of your aircon and pool like me? I read in the Mail online that everybody is going to die in the UK this weekend cos of the heat wave, just as well that nazi piece of shit has never published anything true in its too long existence, so maybe one or two of you will survive.

Spain is usually fucking luvverly from January to March, not this year it was fucking freezing. Then it's supposed to be pleasant, but getting a bit warm from April to July - fuck off! It's been like living in a fucking oven. August is always a cunt and I am not looking forward to it. To anybody who is a climate change denier - you are a cunt, a stupid, ignorant cunt and I hope your fucking tomato plants shrivel up and fucking die in the heat you cunt.

You may have noticed that I am a bit grumpy. I blame the heat and Brexit. I will have to turn the thermostat down a bit and have another beer, we can't even go for a nice evening swim in the sea cos of the fucking medusas (jellyfish) - they are cunts like Brexits and climate change deniers, Mrs D got stung by one of those cunts a week ago and she has reacted badly, but on the bright side they did not sting me, that was really, really lucky cos I was swimming bollock naked! So, I might have to have a night dip in my pool later, but then the fucking skeeters will get me!!!!!!! Life is hard.

Aaarrggh! I have just noticed that I started that last sentence with 'So', I hate cunts who start sentences with 'So' so much, almost as much as I hate the cunts who use emojis.
 
Yid

Yid

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
I went on the piss... I don't do that very often and thoroughly enjoyed meeting up with some pals and getting wasted...

However, I got a new blower and hadn't done any of the jigery-pokery to make my phone do contactless payments... so I was a good few beers in by the time it was on me for a round and it didn't work... Needless to say my friends were supportive (not) especially as we were then heading off to the curry house for a bit of Chicken Naga and Pilau...!!!

I digress, we went to a new "Belgian" bar to sample the beers... fuck my old boots it was tasty... Ruby beers, blonde beers, whisky casked beers, fruit beers that for some fucking reason only comes I'm ⅔'s of a pint...!!! I didn't argue too hard as I wasn't paying the £7-9 quid per pint they were asking...!!!

Anyway, my gout tells me do not dink beer... however I am 100% gonna get back to this gaff and get some more of these beers in me...!!! I like them.
 
Havocc

Havocc

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
And another thing….

We show pictures of kids playing with water and enjoying ice cream while warning people about a heatwave that could cause risk to life. Yet, when a hurricane is about to hit, we don’t show pictures of kite flying.
 
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