skiathospurs
Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Do you get earthquakes there??Fuck me we had a whopper last night,woke up and the house was moving,I dont think you ever get used to the feeling.
Dorset
The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
I never called everybody a facist cunt, only the cunts who are also facists. Cunts are not always facists but facists are always cunts.
Dorset
The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
You get them everywhere mate we had one in Vienna once - Mrs Dorset woke me up and blamed me for shaking the bed! Scarey fuckers innit? I think we only get little ones here, but you never know when a big one will get ya. Those loonies who live on the fault line in California and stick two fingers up at the gods of chaos probably have bigger beards than me and ride big Harleys. I want a Harley Davidson, but Mrs D says no. Just because I haven't got enough money left after buying the house.
Dorset
The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
Car prices in Spain are mental. We went to a good second place, really helpful people, great reviews on the internet and a good selection of cars. We want an automatic because we are lazy and they had probably about 8 in stock. A Nissan Juke with 70,000 kms was around €16,000, a ford B-Max with similar kms was the same price. A bit pricey I thought so I did some Googling, the prices were about right.
So we doodled into town and checked out the new car places, Mazdas were a bit pricey, Hyundais too uncomfortable, VW taking the piss with the price, Dacias nice and cheap but the visibility was bollocks it was like wearing blinkers, Suzuki I have a thing about, had one once it was bollocks. The we had a chat with the Renault man and checked out the Captur, OK it's not glamorous but we can get a brand new top of the range car with every single bell and whistle you can think of - AND free insurance for a year, free servicing for 3 years and a 4 year warranty and roadside assistance if we take €6k of the price on 2 year finance, and the cost is €20k, only €4k more than basic cars with 60-70,000 kms on the clock. I think we might be buying the Captur.
So we doodled into town and checked out the new car places, Mazdas were a bit pricey, Hyundais too uncomfortable, VW taking the piss with the price, Dacias nice and cheap but the visibility was bollocks it was like wearing blinkers, Suzuki I have a thing about, had one once it was bollocks. The we had a chat with the Renault man and checked out the Captur, OK it's not glamorous but we can get a brand new top of the range car with every single bell and whistle you can think of - AND free insurance for a year, free servicing for 3 years and a 4 year warranty and roadside assistance if we take €6k of the price on 2 year finance, and the cost is €20k, only €4k more than basic cars with 60-70,000 kms on the clock. I think we might be buying the Captur.
skiathospurs
Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Big fault line stretching through Greece,turkey,Italy,we have quite a few every year,only once did i consider legging it outside when it carried on for about 30secs.Its just a matter of when,but same with asteroids,great white sharks,box jellyfish,buses driven by dwarves eating a mars bar singing she`ll be coming round the mountain........Yeah something disasterous is always lurking.
Wonder if you`ll have the cicada`s? I guess so they love a bit of heat,there`s times you stop noticing them and times when one settles too close when youre sleeping that it pisses you right off.Since i got the chickens I dont have almost any in my trees now.Otherwise its like listening to 6mths of the club tropicana intro.
Dorset
The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
I hope we do have them critters! I got so used to them living in Thailand and Australia that when we moved back to Blighty I couldn't sleep without the soothing sound. We have got a lizard, we found him yesterday, I like them geezers as well, it used to get a bit annoying when they fell off the roof onto your head when you were sleeping or into your beer at the bar, but they eat creepy crawlies and are cute.
skiathospurs
Well-Known Member
Founding Member
everyone should aspire to be the lizard king !!Love em.
Not too keen on the scorpions here,or those hairy bright yellow centipede things,they get a flipper to the bonce immediatly,give me the shivers them cunts.Different quality of insects the hotter it gets,i mean nastier !!The roaches and stuff dont bother me,but the hornets,wasps,mossies,those stingy centipedes can go straight on the wall!! Always handy to have a small tin of white paint handy to cover splatt marks with !!I am pretty good at just karate kid plucking mossies out of the air,so good infact,I think using a swatting device is unfair and like fishing with dynamite,unless my missus leaves the door open after dusk and I spy plenty lurking on the ceiling,I like to kill em au naturale with my cold bare hands.
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skiathospurs
Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Off comes the shoe,splat, fucking get about 4 inches long no thank you.
OFC the aussies will be here soon,"nah mate thats nothing"........
OFC the aussies will be here soon,"nah mate thats nothing"........
Don Diaz
Zero tolerance of Numpty's
Founding Member
Dorset
The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
Scorpions I do not like, you always had to check your shoes for them narsties in Thailand. The thing I liked best was the magic money frog. One morning I turfed a little frog out of my boot and there was a 500 baht note underneath the bugger, sadly it wasn't really a magic frog, I had lent the wedge to a mate and he had 'posted' it in my boot. You are right that the creepies are bigger and worse in Australia, every single critter there is trying to kill you. Mrs D got bitten by a little white tail spider - nasty, nasty, huge reaction. The funnel-web that lived in our bathroom was a total cunt, he would look at you in a very aggressive tone of voice and you had to wait until he decided he would go back in his hole before you could use the bathroom, he died tragically one day when I needed the bog badly, the magic frog boot was employed with great force.
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USspur
Well-Known Member
If I lived in Europe and had the money for a really nice new car I think I would get the 2019 VW Touareg. Although, for the price (All of the price of the standard version will start around $43,000 to the basic design, and will also rise around on the subject of $64,000.) I might as well just get the BMW version? Either way, I think these are bad to the bone.
2019 Touareg
Dorset
The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
The good thing about car values here is that they seem to not depreciate as much or as quickly as in the UK. Buying a brand new car in Blighty always seemed mental to me as the bugger would loose about a third of its value as you drove it away from the showroom. It seems to be the reverse here, why bother buying a second hand car with high kms when for another 3 or 4 grand you can get a brand new one that you will be able to sell for a decent price in a few years? We are going to test drive an Opel Crossland X this morning then chose between that and the Renault Captur, they are both around the same price and don't have the silly financing rules if you want a good price - some of them are really fucked up, a bloke yesterday tried to tell us that if we bought a shiney new €25k Mazda it would only cost us €22k, not bad eh? Yeah, if we took 4 years finance at 10.9% interest on the €18k after the €4k deposit, then paid the balance. I said to the chappy 'Oi Pedro, that will cost us €8k in finance fees so the car will actually cost €30k innit?' He didn't seem to understand and said everyone takes the finance because they get the car cheaper- 'everyone' must be a bit dim then.
skiathospurs
Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Same here 2nd hand cars are expensive,if you can and get the right finance its probably cheaper in the long run.
Dorset
The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
We just bought a car. Opel Crossland X automatic. None of the old finance bollocks, just a good deal we reckon. €20k brand new, 4 years warranty, we would have had to pay at leat €16k for a second hand jobby with at leat 50k kms on the clock. Hopefully we will get the registration and insurance sorted pretty sharpish - the car salesman is lending us a car so we can return our hire car to Alicante airport, nice bloke, but I suppose he would be when he's selling you a car.
Stefano the next door neighbours what is Spanglish just brought us a bag of lemons, about 10kgs of the buggers, our lemon tree is a bit tiny but I think he said next year it will be the dogs bollocks, (cojones del pero?) he didn't say that of course but my brain heard it.
Stefano the next door neighbours what is Spanglish just brought us a bag of lemons, about 10kgs of the buggers, our lemon tree is a bit tiny but I think he said next year it will be the dogs bollocks, (cojones del pero?) he didn't say that of course but my brain heard it.
Don Diaz
Zero tolerance of Numpty's
Founding Member
I’ve just been watching a bit of cycling from Valencia (the days are a bit slow when you’re on crutches) weather looks outstanding for early February
Yid
Moderator
Founding Member
Those renaults are garbage mate, had one for 2 years and fucked it off. I've got a new Vauxhall and tbh it's solid... nothing spectacular hut a solid engine and bits and bobs.
Traded the renaultin for a 12 plate big diesel A6 with all the bells and whistles..... with 70k on the clock and it's a fucking dream. Servicing is reasonable and it's comfy and loaded with toys.
Dorset
The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
Crutches mate? I didn't run you over did I? I'm a shit driver, even worse in a left hand drive car - when I am reversing I can't see fuck all over my shoulder cos the old right peeper 'no funciona'. Cycling here is huge, there are cycle lanes everywhere, flat as fuck and everywhere you go there are huge pelotons of Spanish and German cyclists going full lycra all over the place. Car drivers treat cyclists with much more respect than in the UK. Most drivers actually wait until there is some clear road before overtaking with plenty of space for the peddle pushers. The hard as nails paddlers go up into the hills and mountains just a few miles inland.
We have a delivery date for our stuff now, so our bikes will be arriving on Thursday - and our comfortable bed, I am getting tired (literally) sleeping on a small guest bed, I don't fit in a single bed.
Dorset
The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
Seems like we did the right thing then! The interior of the Renault was more luxurious than the Opel (Vauxhall),more bells and whistles - more to go wrong? I looked at some reviews of the Captur and they weren't that good, I'd rather have a reliable car than fancy stitching on the seats. I suppose reviews are subjective, some of the reviewers moan that our new car is 'not fun' and doesn't handle corners at 100kph - good, I like a boring car. We're renting an Opel Corsa at the moment and the Android Auto app works really well, just plug in the old mobile and navigation and stuff is on the car's telly. One of the most important things to us is visibility, the Opel Crossland was the best we looked at, even I can see all the other cars, pedestrians and cyclists. Thinking back the most reliable cars we have had have been Vauxhall Astra, so hopefully this new one will be the same.
Dorset
The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
Two new experiences yesterday. I hoovered the pool and swept the grass. The grass is the absolute doodahs, it's fake grass, pretend, not real, but it looks like the proper stuff. No more mowing for me, just a bit of a sweep to get rid of the leaves and done. Hoovering the pool was fun once we worked out all the controls on the pump and plugged the doohickey into the right bit. Then, last night I discovered:
The pool has got remote controlled lighting!
The pool has got remote controlled lighting!
skiathospurs
Well-Known Member
Founding Member
If the lights are LED you can probably change the colour too,i suggest yellow,cos no one will trespass and skinny dip in a yellow pool,except maybe wolfy and gerd having some weird german fetish sex.
Yid
Moderator
Founding Member
Can we please turn this into a 'big brother'esq' style count up.
(Adopt nasal geordie accent).....Day 17 in the Dorset Villa...
(Adopt nasal geordie accent).....Day 17 in the Dorset Villa...
Dorset
The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
Day 13, Casa Dorset
Dorset gets up early as usual, around 5:30 and mumbles something about @Motspur Hotspur being a cunt for daring to suggest he would fart in bed and goes down to make a cup of coffee.
"Fucking furniture delivery people, where's my bed? It's really cold sleeping in a tiny guest bed with the summer covers we bought for visitors, fucking Spaniel car insurance is a cunt, how the fuck can you sort that bollocks out? Why did it take fucking Amazon 10 days to make a next day delivery, whats the deal with driving on the wrong side of the road, how many bits of paper do the Spanglish feds want you to fill in and carry around with you all the time?"
Yeah, that's me before I have my coffee in the morning, now I have partaken of the life giving brew I can look around the casa and grin like a demented Cheshire cat and know that the little niggles that make me a bit grumpy are a gnat's pube of a price to pay for living here in our casa, which I still can't quite get my head round. After 20 years of renting houses all over the world I still keep thinking that I am looking after someone else's property and how I will need to repair drill holes and fix any damage before we move on. Settling down might be tough, I get itchy feet and the longest we have stayed in one place was 6 years, it's the average is about 2 years.
Our stuff is arriving on Thursday so I will be able to sleep in the downstairs master en-suite bedroom in our new super-kingsized bed with a nice warm quilt, I can connect my gramophone player up and listen to some soothing music - Rammstein, Black Sabbath or something similar. As we are a bit hard to find I will get my Amazon stuff delivered to the Ondara pick point, we go there a few times a week to the very splendid Portal De Marina shopping centre and the amazing organic shop to get my green tea - triffic place, I get my organic porridge there as well, everything is in a dispenser and you just stick as much as you want into a bag and Pedro's yer uncle. The paperwork will be sorted mañana as will the car insurance (which is fucking pricey compared to what we paid in Dorset, but that's the price of pescados in Spain innit?
Dorset gets up early as usual, around 5:30 and mumbles something about @Motspur Hotspur being a cunt for daring to suggest he would fart in bed and goes down to make a cup of coffee.
"Fucking furniture delivery people, where's my bed? It's really cold sleeping in a tiny guest bed with the summer covers we bought for visitors, fucking Spaniel car insurance is a cunt, how the fuck can you sort that bollocks out? Why did it take fucking Amazon 10 days to make a next day delivery, whats the deal with driving on the wrong side of the road, how many bits of paper do the Spanglish feds want you to fill in and carry around with you all the time?"
Yeah, that's me before I have my coffee in the morning, now I have partaken of the life giving brew I can look around the casa and grin like a demented Cheshire cat and know that the little niggles that make me a bit grumpy are a gnat's pube of a price to pay for living here in our casa, which I still can't quite get my head round. After 20 years of renting houses all over the world I still keep thinking that I am looking after someone else's property and how I will need to repair drill holes and fix any damage before we move on. Settling down might be tough, I get itchy feet and the longest we have stayed in one place was 6 years, it's the average is about 2 years.
Our stuff is arriving on Thursday so I will be able to sleep in the downstairs master en-suite bedroom in our new super-kingsized bed with a nice warm quilt, I can connect my gramophone player up and listen to some soothing music - Rammstein, Black Sabbath or something similar. As we are a bit hard to find I will get my Amazon stuff delivered to the Ondara pick point, we go there a few times a week to the very splendid Portal De Marina shopping centre and the amazing organic shop to get my green tea - triffic place, I get my organic porridge there as well, everything is in a dispenser and you just stick as much as you want into a bag and Pedro's yer uncle. The paperwork will be sorted mañana as will the car insurance (which is fucking pricey compared to what we paid in Dorset, but that's the price of pescados in Spain innit?
Dorset
The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
To all the people of Espagna, if there is anybody who hasn't got a copy of my passport, driving licence, NIE number, house title papers, padron certificate, birth certificate, marriage certificate, cycling proficiency test , egg and spoon race certificate from when i was 5 years old- please let me know and I will send it to you.
Fucking paperwork here is mental. Buying a car is fucking insane, we have already given the car showroom 1,000 documents now we have to go the Hacienda tomorrow and register for car tax, another 1,000 euros and 800 dicuments to produce and sign. Took the rental car back today - Drivalia are cheating, lying, thieving fucking crooks, they stung us for €90 for an invisible scratch that the cunt only found by running his hands inside the fucking alloy wheels who the fuck does that when they pick up a hire car?
Fucking paperwork here is mental. Buying a car is fucking insane, we have already given the car showroom 1,000 documents now we have to go the Hacienda tomorrow and register for car tax, another 1,000 euros and 800 dicuments to produce and sign. Took the rental car back today - Drivalia are cheating, lying, thieving fucking crooks, they stung us for €90 for an invisible scratch that the cunt only found by running his hands inside the fucking alloy wheels who the fuck does that when they pick up a hire car?
Yid
Moderator
Founding Member
I'd love a copy of them please mate...
Dorset
The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
Phew! The €1000 we thought we had to pay extra was included in the price of the car, the Opel bloke is a top geezer, he took us to the Hacienda (Tax office) and did all the Spanglish talking to get us registered - apparently a lot of car dealers charge over €500 for this. Apparently we are now members of the Opel Family in Denia. We have finally got the insurance sorted out and all the papers you have to carry everywhere and we are off to pick the shiney new motor up soon.
Dorset
The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
At last, all the paperwork has been accepted and we have our new car, parked safely in the Dorset compound.
We might start an international incident with Wolfy and Gerd with these wheels though!
Mrs Dorset says no, but I think they look like swastikas!
We might start an international incident with Wolfy and Gerd with these wheels though!
Mrs Dorset says no, but I think they look like swastikas!
Don Diaz
Zero tolerance of Numpty's
Founding Member
You fucking Nazi ha ha!!
skiathospurs
Well-Known Member
Founding Member
She`s wrong,but OFC you cant say that!!
Dorset
The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
Amazon Spain are funny! They promise you next day delivery, you check the website and track your package and right up until the 8pm deadline it says 'Being delivered today' - then, it says tomorrow, then tomorrow comes and ...... Luckily I don't take 'Next Day Delivery' seriously here, it's mañana innit?
One thing that did arrive on time was my metal detector doodah for checking the walls before I start drilling, that was very, vey lucky because I had marked a place for one of the smoke detectors I had bought, there couldn't possibly be any cables or pipes there could there? I have done it so many times, banged nails into pipes, drilled into electric cables - so an attack of intelligence told me to invest a few euros in a detector. Yep, my chosen spot was the only fucking place on the wall were there were any hidden dangers!
Smoke detectors don't seem a big thing here, we didn't see any in all the houses we looked at and they were had to find in the shops, I sleep easier with a couple of them buggers installed - and a carbon monoxide detector - cost me about €40 for the 3.
One thing that did arrive on time was my metal detector doodah for checking the walls before I start drilling, that was very, vey lucky because I had marked a place for one of the smoke detectors I had bought, there couldn't possibly be any cables or pipes there could there? I have done it so many times, banged nails into pipes, drilled into electric cables - so an attack of intelligence told me to invest a few euros in a detector. Yep, my chosen spot was the only fucking place on the wall were there were any hidden dangers!
Smoke detectors don't seem a big thing here, we didn't see any in all the houses we looked at and they were had to find in the shops, I sleep easier with a couple of them buggers installed - and a carbon monoxide detector - cost me about €40 for the 3.