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Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
We're going on a 4 hour road trip tomorrow to try and get our residency sorted. Every national cop-shop in Spain has in the words of our lawyer 'collapsed', cos everyone and his granny is trying to get the precious green form saying they're kosher residents before the UK drawbridge is pulled up and you lot are truly fucked.

The legal lady managed to snag us an appointment in the shit-hole affectionately known as Torreviega for tomorrow (fucking miles away) and every time we think we've got all the paperwork the feds ask for something else. Apparently our hundreds of years old marriage certificate is no good as ALL documents in Spain must be less than three months old, so £50 to get a new copy DHL'd from Blighty. Then they want a certificate from our bank proving we actually have a bank account and have paid money in, passports, copies of passports, NIE, Padron registration, title deeds, transfer of title deeds (authorised),Spanish tax registration forms, UK bank statements, S1 forms from the UK government, proof of income, proof of funds and a pint of blood!

I am not optimistic. We went to a meeting held by the British consul yesterday and she said we 'should' be fine, but every feds office has different rules, let her know if they say no - which will be fucking triffic after a 6 am start to drive a million miles to the pox-hole of Torreviega (OK, it's not that bad, but there are fucking fish and chip shops and British pubs there) - and paying a lawyer €500 for sorting out the paperwork and doing the lingo to plod.
 
USspur

USspur

Player in Training.
We're going on a 4 hour road trip tomorrow to try and get our residency sorted. Every national cop-shop in Spain has in the words of our lawyer 'collapsed', cos everyone and his granny is trying to get the precious green form saying they're kosher residents before the UK drawbridge is pulled up and you lot are truly fucked.

The legal lady managed to snag us an appointment in the shit-hole affectionately known as Torreviega for tomorrow (fucking miles away) and every time we think we've got all the paperwork the feds ask for something else. Apparently our hundreds of years old marriage certificate is no good as ALL documents in Spain must be less than three months old, so £50 to get a new copy DHL'd from Blighty. Then they want a certificate from our bank proving we actually have a bank account and have paid money in, passports, copies of passports, NIE, Padron registration, title deeds, transfer of title deeds (authorised),Spanish tax registration forms, UK bank statements, S1 forms from the UK government, proof of income, proof of funds and a pint of blood!

I am not optimistic. We went to a meeting held by the British consul yesterday and she said we 'should' be fine, but every feds office has different rules, let her know if they say no - which will be fucking triffic after a 6 am start to drive a million miles to the pox-hole of Torreviega (OK, it's not that bad, but there are fucking fish and chip shops and British pubs there) - and paying a lawyer €500 for sorting out the paperwork and doing the lingo to plod.
Sounds right fuxked. Is this all due to brexit?
 
skiathospurs

skiathospurs

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Sounds right fuxked. Is this all due to brexit?
No doubt because of the time frame and people coming out of they grey areas to sort themselves out,but if its like greece its bureaucracy in general.The word member states is misleading because they are still soverign countries and a lot of hoop jumping required.My reality here is still no one really cares,whether that will change soon?who knows,when I went for residency permits years back the police said why,you dont need this (in effect we dont care).
Try and imagine say california leaving the union and all the paperwork then required to move in or out for work,or living,and now imagine you give yourself 2 weeks to sort that out.
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
Sounds right fuxked. Is this all due to brexit?
Yep. Completely down to Brexit. The Spanish government have promised to carry on with all the benefits including healthcare for registered residents - as long as the British government do the same with Spaniards in the UK, and they would be fucking mental not o as 450,000 flying home for healthcare would fuck the NHS even more than it already is.

10 fucking hours later we are home - with official Resedencia Cards! We got the cop-shop at 8.30, sat down with the grumpy policeman at 9.00. The padron (Town Hall registration) was wrong, big discussion with our lawyer for 10 minutes, he eventually got his boss to reluctantly agree it. All the documents we had taken, that our lawyer had translated were unacceptable, so we had to find an official translator to create authorised copies, €200 more in the bin. The certified bank statement we had was wrong as it only showed the income - which is what they have always asked for so we had to find a branch of our bank and get them to provide a certified balance, then we returned to the Police station at 12:30 - No, they only accepted documents until 12:00! So the lawyer discussed and explained we had travelled hundreds of kilometres, we smiled nicely and called the copper Segnor, eventually he relented and he accepted the documents and we sat outside and waited for what seemed like days until he came back and bunged us our green cards!

With the lawyers fees, translations, copies of UK marriage certificates etc, it has cost us about a grand, some plank at the consul meeting said we should do it ourselves and save the money, yeah right, how the fuck we would have dealt with all the bollocks this morning without a Spanish expert is beyond my comprehension. There are no appointments anywhere in the Allicante province for 6 months, she has been phoning every day and got us this 2 weeks before Brexit appointment which was a fecking miracle, anybody getting residency now will be lucky, but fuck them we've got ours!
 
N

NiceOneCyril

Player in Training.
Congratulations - you are now officially an ex-pat and entitled to say "when I go back to blighty" and "the only things I miss are the television and the pubs"
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
Congratulations - you are now officially an ex-pat and entitled to say "when I go back to blighty" and "the only things I miss are the television and the pubs"
Proper tomato sauce, beaked beans, Ingerlish sausages, rain, squirrels, fish n chips - all some of he things we haven't got here, so I am am as happy as Pedro, Fuck you pats (if I am an expat then are you pats? Dunno).

It is a huge fucking relief, now we just have to wait five years to get permanent residency, if we lose our green cards we are fucked apparently, we can't get a replacement and the whole circus has to start again, I am guarding that fucker with my life!
 
TettenhallHotspur

TettenhallHotspur

Player in Training.
if we lose our green cards we are fucked apparently, we can't get a replacement and the whole circus has to start again, I am guarding that fucker with my life!
Make sure you do mate. I speak from experience when I say losing it is a nightmare. What a palava (is that how you spell palava? - don't think I've ever written it before).
Call this number, speak to a grumpy person. Go back to the pay machine. Press the intercom. Explain the situation in the pissing rain to another grumpy person. Pause conversation cos child needs a wee. Go McDonald's toilets. Come back speak to grumpy person over intercom. Explain that you're not trying to pull a fast one. Give up. Pay £25 and be on your way grumpy as hell.

Ok so I lost an NCP car park ticket in Birmingham yesterday. Perhaps not quite the same. But if you were planning on keeping your green card in your left hand coat pocket for the next 5 years, I suggest moving it to somewhere more secure like your Mrs suggested in the first place.
 
Don Diaz

Don Diaz

Zero tolerance of Numpty's
Founding Member
Make sure you do mate. I speak from experience when I say losing it is a nightmare. What a palava (is that how you spell palava? - don't think I've ever written it before).
Call this number, speak to a grumpy person. Go back to the pay machine. Press the intercom. Explain the situation in the pissing rain to another grumpy person. Pause conversation cos child needs a wee. Go McDonald's toilets. Come back speak to grumpy person over intercom. Explain that you're not trying to pull a fast one. Give up. Pay £25 and be on your way grumpy as hell.

Ok so I lost an NCP car park ticket in Birmingham yesterday. Perhaps not quite the same. But if you were planning on keeping your green card in your left hand coat pocket for the next 5 years, I suggest moving it to somewhere more secure like your Mrs suggested in the first place.
Brilliant
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
The Barbecue has been ordered and is being delivered tomorrow. Don't tell Mrs D but it is a monster! A proper outdoor kitchen that can be used for cooking 20 people's dinners. I don't know 20 people so it should be enough for me and her! I did the research like I always do, I went to shops and tried to break their display models, more often that not successfully, the majority of the €200-€300 models are pony, really flimsy and unlikely to last more than a summer or two, the metal bent alarmingly with just a helping hand from me. Then I found the Campingaz 4 Series, a brick shithouse of a barby, I couldn't push that fucker over or make any bits fall off. The deal clincher was all the bits come off easily (not fall off when you shake it) and go in the dishwasher - deep joy! It cost many quids, but hopefully it will be worth it. I can't wait to get grilling some aubergines, peppers, garlic -etc, I love grilled vegetables, but the grill has to be the temperature of the sun and that causes massive agg in the kitchen, so I will be outside grilling fish and veggies and enjoying the healthy Mediterranean diet that will cancel out all the beer and wine I have started drinking again, not as much as the olden days but more than I have in the last 3 years.
 
Don Diaz

Don Diaz

Zero tolerance of Numpty's
Founding Member
The Barbecue has been ordered and is being delivered tomorrow. Don't tell Mrs D but it is a monster! A proper outdoor kitchen that can be used for cooking 20 people's dinners. I don't know 20 people so it should be enough for me and her! I did the research like I always do, I went to shops and tried to break their display models, more often that not successfully, the majority of the €200-€300 models are pony, really flimsy and unlikely to last more than a summer or two, the metal bent alarmingly with just a helping hand from me. Then I found the Campingaz 4 Series, a brick shithouse of a barby, I couldn't push that fucker over or make any bits fall off. The deal clincher was all the bits come off easily (not fall off when you shake it) and go in the dishwasher - deep joy! It cost many quids, but hopefully it will be worth it. I can't wait to get grilling some aubergines, peppers, garlic -etc, I love grilled vegetables, but the grill has to be the temperature of the sun and that causes massive agg in the kitchen, so I will be outside grilling fish and veggies and enjoying the healthy Mediterranean diet that will cancel out all the beer and wine I have started drinking again, not as much as the olden days but more than I have in the last 3 years.
It's almost like we're there.......... is there a 'save the date' carrier pigeon coming to Brexit land with an official opening date for the new barbie.....I'm sure there's a few on here that like a Spanish sausage, to go with their grilled aubergine and Spanish tortilla?
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
I might get bored with this in a million years or so. We had a trip with the visiting family to the Jalon valley, nice few beers and some tapas, back to Casa Dorset for a dip in the pool, now we're going to fire up the barbie, a few more beers then the big game. Fucking 'orrible really, if I could think of a thing that I miss from Ingerlund I would be grumpy as fuck, butI can't so I'll have to get used to feeling happy - a strange concept.
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
...and then I found out that I haven't got a fucking scooby what day it is and the game is tomorrow.
 
Yid

Yid

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
I had that last week.... only realised the CL game was on about 15 mins before....

Hang on, you did the match thread....

How much sangria you necked...!!!🍺🥂🍷🥃🍸🍹
 
skiathospurs

skiathospurs

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
...and then I found out that I haven't got a fucking scooby what day it is and the game is tomorrow.
Mate during summer here I genuinely dont know what month it is.June-sept its hot,thats all I know then.
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
Thank fuck the Easter weekend is over, while you lucky geezers have been sunning yourself in record temperatures we have just gone through the worst Costa Blanca storm for 73 years. 4 days of torrential rain. Our nearest town was underwater, Xabia which is just down the road was hit by 250 litres of water per square meter, Gordon Blimey it was cold, wet and windy.

Worst of all? I have had to vacuum the pool to remove the Saharan sand, pollen and critters that were deposited in it - and we had to turn the heating on, spare a thought for us refugees, forced to leave our country to escape the cruel Brexitters while we struggle to survive in a foreign land. Today is nice and sunny and the next storm is forecast for November so we might be able to put up with this immigrant lifestyle for a while longer.
 
skiathospurs

skiathospurs

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Thank fuck the Easter weekend is over, while you lucky geezers have been sunning yourself in record temperatures we have just gone through the worst Costa Blanca storm for 73 years. 4 days of torrential rain. Our nearest town was underwater, Xabia which is just down the road was hit by 250 litres of water per square meter, Gordon Blimey it was cold, wet and windy.

Worst of all? I have had to vacuum the pool to remove the Saharan sand, pollen and critters that were deposited in it - and we had to turn the heating on, spare a thought for us refugees, forced to leave our country to escape the cruel Brexitters while we struggle to survive in a foreign land. Today is nice and sunny and the next storm is forecast for November so we might be able to put up with this immigrant lifestyle for a while longer.
Mate its cos youre unorthodox,easter is this weekend out here.Cant wait,under cooked inside,burnt on the outside dry as fuck goat on the spit cooked for ½ a day.Its quite the sight if its a boy goat rotating on the spit cock&balls flopping about at every turn.This would never be allowed under general farage!!

Oh how the ex-pats here moaned when their winter heating allowance was taken away,I could never understand why they got it anyway,fair play whoever closed that scam.Sahara dust is expected here today,wonderful.
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
Mate its cos youre unorthodox,easter is this weekend out here.Cant wait,under cooked inside,burnt on the outside dry as fuck goat on the spit cooked for ½ a day.Its quite the sight if its a boy goat rotating on the spit cock&balls flopping about at every turn.This would never be allowed under general farage!!

Oh how the ex-pats here moaned when their winter heating allowance was taken away,I could never understand why they got it anyway,fair play whoever closed that scam.Sahara dust is expected here today,wonderful.
Taking Mrs D's winter fuel allowance away is cruel! We used to like that £200 when it got a bit nippy. We were cold here last weekend so she should get her money! Nah, not really, I think the fuel allowance should be means tested, if you can afford your heating bill you get fuck all and if you can't you get the money that scroungers like us used to get. We got this year's anyway cos it came in November when we were still Pats not Expats and we ain't giving it back.
 
Don Diaz

Don Diaz

Zero tolerance of Numpty's
Founding Member
Taking Mrs D's winter fuel allowance away is cruel! We used to like that £200 when it got a bit nippy. We were cold here last weekend so she should get her money! Nah, not really, I think the fuel allowance should be means tested, if you can afford your heating bill you get fuck all and if you can't you get the money that scroungers like us used to get. We got this year's anyway cos it came in November when we were still Pats not Expats and we ain't giving it back.
Fucking foreign scroungers living off the state.....
 
Style And Glory

Style And Glory

Player in Training.
Mate its cos youre unorthodox,easter is this weekend out here.Cant wait,under cooked inside,burnt on the outside dry as fuck goat on the spit cooked for ½ a day.Its quite the sight if its a boy goat rotating on the spit cock&balls flopping about at every turn.This would never be allowed under general farage!!

Oh how the ex-pats here moaned when their winter heating allowance was taken away,I could never understand why they got it anyway,fair play whoever closed that scam.Sahara dust is expected here today,wonderful.
Ha, I'm with you on this.

Keep in mind that the following happened outside of Greece.

A few years ago, my sister was hosting Easter at her home for 40-50 extended family & friends. We needed a fairly large lamb (6 feet long when on a spit) & it was unfortunately delivered 3 days too soon. Now what? Where do you safely store such a large but dead animal?

A friend of ours who owned a popular Greek restaurant on a busy street a few blocks away offered to handle it.
Our options were to:
1. put it in one of our cars & drive it there or
2. carry it on a spit & walk.

We chose the latter. My brother-in-law & I each put it over one of our shoulders & strolled single file down the street.
It was hilarious. The kind of looks we got from both pedestrians & drivers were priceless. People on buses were literally standing up & gawking in disbelief. We stopped traffic in each direction when in the main intersection.

Some thought we had skinned our pet.
 
skiathospurs

skiathospurs

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Ha, I'm with you on this.

Keep in mind that the following happened outside of Greece.

A few years ago, my sister was hosting Easter at her home for 40-50 extended family & friends. We needed a fairly large lamb (6 feet long when on a spit) & it was unfortunately delivered 3 days too soon. Now what? Where do you safely store such a large but dead animal?

A friend of ours who owned a popular Greek restaurant on a busy street a few blocks away offered to handle it.
Our options were to:
1. put it in one of our cars & drive it there or
2. carry it on a spit & walk.

We chose the latter. My brother-in-law & I each put it over one of our shoulders & strolled single file down the street.
It was hilarious. The kind of looks we got from both pedestrians & drivers were priceless. People on buses were literally standing up & gawking in disbelief. We stopped traffic in each direction when in the main intersection.

Some thought we had skinned our pet.
I have seen in Athens and such,they set the spits up in the road.
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
Our local beach yesterday afternoon - just Mrs D and me, nice! I think we might stay here.

899
 
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