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Don Diaz

Don Diaz

Zero tolerance of Numpty's
Founding Member
It's not that bad really, the last few weeks have been cunts, clearing our rented house of all the stuff we have accumulated, cleaning the fucker to Mrs D's standards, selling our car - that was a surprise, I was hoping to get maybe 3 grand, it was a Nissan Note, 12 plate, we took it to WeBuyAnyCar expecting a silly 2 grand offer and they bought it for four and a half, nice! Getting rid of our old 3 piece suite was also a cunt, it was a really old leather beast, super comfy but pre-fire safety certificate so nobody would take it, we had to hire a van yesterday morning and take it to the council tip - just what we needed while the removal blokes were doing their removal stuff and the landlords popped round to say goodbye end all the neighbours kept calling to ..... get right on my tits! Arrrggggh I need a holiday now. It should be OK now, who knows with the Spaniel legal system? We will now the day after tomorrow.
Well after that heap of hassle, hope the heart is holding up. Hope it all works out in the way that you want. Hasta pronto.
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
....and breathe! The house is ours! We got an email from the agents last night saying that the vendors would not sign if we didn't transfer the money to their currency trading account, we had already arranged a bankers draft and there is no fucking way we would transfer the money before the deal was done in front of the notary. Our lawyer had a quite word with them this morning pointing out that we had fulfilled all of our obligations and if the vendors pulled out they would have to refund double the €30,000 deposit we had paid - they were then happy to accept the bankers draft.

Mrs D is now scrubbing and cleaning and all those other womanly things the ladies like to do even if the place is already clean, I have got man-flu so I am sitting in the warm sunshine feeling a bit emotional. We haven't owned a house for over 20 years, we've been renting all over the place, now we are home.

This is MY orange tree and I am going to eat one of them orange doodahs later!

P1090766TreeSmall.jpg
 
Don Diaz

Don Diaz

Zero tolerance of Numpty's
Founding Member
....and breathe! The house is ours! We got an email from the agents last night saying that the vendors would not sign if we didn't transfer the money to their currency trading account, we had already arranged a bankers draft and there is no fucking way we would transfer the money before the deal was done in front of the notary. Our lawyer had a quite word with them this morning pointing out that we had fulfilled all of our obligations and if the vendors pulled out they would have to refund double the €30,000 deposit we had paid - they were then happy to accept the bankers draft.

Mrs D is now scrubbing and cleaning and all those other womanly things the ladies like to do even if the place is already clean, I have got man-flu so I am sitting in the warm sunshine feeling a bit emotional. We haven't owned a house for over 20 years, we've been renting all over the place, now we are home.

This is MY orange tree and I am going to eat one of them orange doodahs later!

View attachment 792
Naranjas todo!! Muy bien, enjoy the house, the life and the weather. Good luck and congrats
 
skiathospurs

skiathospurs

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
....and breathe! The house is ours! We got an email from the agents last night saying that the vendors would not sign if we didn't transfer the money to their currency trading account, we had already arranged a bankers draft and there is no fucking way we would transfer the money before the deal was done in front of the notary. Our lawyer had a quite word with them this morning pointing out that we had fulfilled all of our obligations and if the vendors pulled out they would have to refund double the €30,000 deposit we had paid - they were then happy to accept the bankers draft.

Mrs D is now scrubbing and cleaning and all those other womanly things the ladies like to do even if the place is already clean, I have got man-flu so I am sitting in the warm sunshine feeling a bit emotional. We haven't owned a house for over 20 years, we've been renting all over the place, now we are home.

This is MY orange tree and I am going to eat one of them orange doodahs later!

View attachment 792
Nice !!!congrats amigo.

I got an orange tree,I bought it about 15 years ago as a tiny sapling,it had a tag with "lime" on it,quite unusual here so i had it in a v large pot,the one fruit on it matured into a lemon FFS.So I stuck it in the garden,took fucking ages to get going again then after about 6 years it started growing,then flowered,I thought oh great lemons or perhaps limes,guess what?fucking oranges,every cunt has oranges,all my greek friends come round with buckets of em trying to get rid of them.Apparently cos they are grafted it reverted back to the cunting fruit tree I didnt want.Sneaky fuckers these greeks!!Got a cupboard full of marmalade if anyone`s interested.
 
Don Diaz

Don Diaz

Zero tolerance of Numpty's
Founding Member
I’m counting down the days to the Newcastle game......1

We need the first Spanish born thread for the game sharpish eh? Gracias
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
It's fucking cold this morning! OK, by Ingerland standards it's not cold at all, but I had to turn on the fancy underfloor heating in Casa Dorset when I woke up, that hurt me deeply as the 11 huge gas containers that magically make the house warm and heat the water are all needing replacement and that will cost me many euros! I did go round all the rooms we are not using and turned the thermostats down to feck all, so that may save a euro or two.

Spanglish addresses are a pain, I signed up for Amazon prime yesterday and the only address it would accept is very different to the 19 other ways it seems our address is recorded by the town hall, plod, post office, estate agents, gas delivery people etc. If Mrs Dorset's clothes airer doodah does not arrive on Wednesday there will be ructions!

Apparently we have to clean and paint the whole house before our stuff arrives- It is in France somewhere, fuck knows when it's coming, the cost of a dedicated load was extreme, so we are like West Ham supporters, sharing a caravan (lorry) with other folks and it will get here when it does. I though the house was really clean - huh, shows what I know eh? My list of jobs for today - clean, paint, repeat.

Tomorrow I am going into town to try and get proper internet installed, the little EE 4G Wifi box we used to use for travelling is great and now I have managed to get a 30gb chunk of data added to it, I don't have to worry about running out for a while, but I want real internet! We have been told that 300mb fibre is available and I want that now! I wants the precious, I needs it!
 
skiathospurs

skiathospurs

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Spanglish addresses are a pain, I signed up for Amazon prime yesterday and the only address it would accept is very different to the 19 other ways it seems our address is recorded by the town hall, plod, post office, estate agents, gas delivery people etc. If Mrs Dorset's clothes airer doodah does not arrive on Wednesday there will be ructions!
I feel your pain,my house has neither a name or number,the road is unnamed,and the post office dont deliver,neither do couriers,they just hold, hold it until you come to collect or send it back if you dont.By now all the couriers know us and have our phone numbers so even if whichever sender doesnt include it on the address (we specifically include it to save trapesing around all of them when something is over due).The post office just hold parcels and sticks a note in our po box but a lot of ebay,amazon shops wont deliver to post boxes,and by now I am sick of emailing indivdual vendors to ask them to make an exception for us,fucking required field and all that bollocks.So the answer was instead of writing po box we write "thyrida" the bubble word for post box,and lo and behold amazon/ebay give no fucks then and it works perfectly.And i feel smug having beaten their crappy system.Perhaps try the spanglish word if you get a po box.

I think you know after all your travels,every fuck up is part of the adventure,isnt it nice the locals dont give a fuck and are chilled out,yeah that lasts about a year!!I reached my breaking point about 19 years ago when i went to the post office counter and asked any mail for ,name,address and she didnt even look up from counting her stamps and replied "i dont know" 2 options come back another day when she`s in a better mood or kick off with something like "well maybe you could fucking looking and rant",.Option 1 is always best because part of being the "insert rude racial words here) is not pissing off people who can fuck with you when they are civil servants/part of the system.
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
I feel your pain,my house has neither a name or number,the road is unnamed,and the post office dont deliver,neither do couriers,they just hold, hold it until you come to collect or send it back if you dont.By now all the couriers know us and have our phone numbers so even if whichever sender doesnt include it on the address (we specifically include it to save trapesing around all of them when something is over due).The post office just hold parcels and sticks a note in our po box but a lot of ebay,amazon shops wont deliver to post boxes,and by now I am sick of emailing indivdual vendors to ask them to make an exception for us,fucking required field and all that bollocks.So the answer was instead of writing po box we write "thyrida" the bubble word for post box,and lo and behold amazon/ebay give no fucks then and it works perfectly.And i feel smug having beaten their crappy system.Perhaps try the spanglish word if you get a po box.

I think you know after all your travels,every fuck up is part of the adventure,isnt it nice the locals dont give a fuck and are chilled out,yeah that lasts about a year!!I reached my breaking point about 19 years ago when i went to the post office counter and asked any mail for ,name,address and she didnt even look up from counting her stamps and replied "i dont know" 2 options come back another day when she`s in a better mood or kick off with something like "well maybe you could fucking looking and rant",.Option 1 is always best because part of being the "insert rude racial words here) is not pissing off people who can fuck with you when they are civil servants/part of the system.
We are very posh, we have a proper street a proper house number and everything. The problems start when you have to fill in the preset bollocks boxes then the town is shown as the one up the road and the street name and the region and the town is spelled differently - we are sort of in Valencia even though the state is shown everywhere as Alicante - which is 2 hours away, and them Valencianish buggers don't talk Spaniel they talk Valencianish!

It's not even remotely a problem, after living in Thailand where your post could end up everywhere except in your Post Office box, they would deliver it to the temple up the road, our mate's restaurant or any random address they fancied! It's nice here because we have our own little postbox and key so we can go and collect our post when we like, of course Posty doesn't deliver to each door here like he does in Ingerlund. Most places have folks wot can talk England here, except Carrefour, great shop but their staff are not nice and even though they probably do habla Ingles, they fucking won't.

I am having a nice time, despite the cleaning, painting, fixing leaking sinks. The sun is up now and it's nice and warm, I can look at the mountains and pinch myself because it still seems like a dream, we can't actually own a place like this can we? We tried the Aldi 'especial precio' vino tinto last night, €2.60 and it was fecking lovely, I will be filling the wine rack with that stuff! I bought 56 cans of San Miguel Especial, my favourite Spaniel cerveza in Carrefour for less than €15, so I am sorted!
 
Rev John Ripsher

Rev John Ripsher

Player in Training.
I lived in Valencia for a year, when my then Mrs worked in an eye laser clinic. We lived in a block of flats on the beach next to the Alcampo hypermarket 2 junctions up the motorway in Port Sa Plaja. There is a really good nightlife and bars in Valencia (Calle Colon?) and cheaper than chips dope from across the Med, the tapas is bonkers good and really cheap, and on 15th March this year, you get the Las Fallas festival, which is when you get fireworks parties every night in a different area for a week with free Paella made in giant pans!. There is a wonderful fireworks display on the final night on the Rio Turia a dried up river in the centre of town. During Las Fallas, make sure you go to Plaza De Ayuntamiento in the town hall square in which has every lunchtime (14.00?) a wonderful drumming/firecracker display called "Mazcleta" which uses the echoes from the buildings. Properly good.

1549188814606.png

1549188873599.png


You may also need a blender for your oranges, the juice of which, I am sure you will already know will go down extraordinarily well with Vodka.

In the cathedral there is one of the worlds greatest treasures, see if you can find it.

The one thing I came away with, is that Valencians are very parochial and altogether odd and don't take readily to outsiders.. You will need to learn Spanish before being in any way accepted, which is fair enough. My old lady was from Venezuela and the fact that historically they hated the Spanish didn't help either.
 
Last edited:
Don Diaz

Don Diaz

Zero tolerance of Numpty's
Founding Member
I’ve just been sharing an edited version of this thread with Mrs Diaz as I chuckle away, with reports from Catalunya and Skiathos, very amusing and entertaining.

I also like Valencia, I’ve been a few times it’s a smaller less pretentious version of Barcelona, with a great new bit to complement the old down near the America’s Cup port. I’ve been for the build up to the Fires festival which was a great experience.

I’m pleased to say that I know nothing of the night time action around ‘Calle Colon’ but there was a good place down near the new port in an old wharf building.

Great spot enjoy the vino and San Miguel’s in the sunshine.
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
Some views of Casa Dorset:
P1090770.jpg

That's my roof that is! It's the ridiculously high roof wot is over the dining room, that fucker is 6m high, from the upstairs terrace, I am surprised that Mrs D hasn't got me up a ladder dusting the bugger - not happening!


P1090776.jpg

This is our mountain, zoomed in a bit, we're not that close, but it's a nice view.
P1090773.jpg

Check this fucker out! Not only do we have one of them doodahs for washing the undercarriage, but there's a fucking urinal in the en-suite (apparently that means bog next to the bedroom)! My danglers are safe from being cut off for leaving the seat up or dribbling because I can tinkle in the urinal!

We are getting settled in now, still no scooby when our stuff is arriving, but there's enough furniture to see us through and the vino is well cheap! I thought I'd done well at Aldi getting some nice plonk for €2.60 but found some really nice Merlot for €2.19 at Mercadona yesterday, happy days.

The notarised copy of our deeds arrived today to take to the town hall to start becoming official, they have put me on them as Dona, not Don, which means I am now Mrs Dorset, so is the real Mrs Dorset, apparently it doesn't matter. Fucking Spaniels, 8,000,000 pages of documentation, lawyers and notaries all to pay and they still fuck it up.
 
Wotspur

Wotspur

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
I feel your pain,my house has neither a name or number,the road is unnamed,and the post office dont deliver,neither do couriers,they just hold, hold it until you come to collect or send it back if you dont.By now all the couriers know us and have our phone numbers so even if whichever sender doesnt include it on the address (we specifically include it to save trapesing around all of them when something is over due).The post office just hold parcels and sticks a note in our po box but a lot of ebay,amazon shops wont deliver to post boxes,and by now I am sick of emailing indivdual vendors to ask them to make an exception for us,fucking required field and all that bollocks.So the answer was instead of writing po box we write "thyrida" the bubble word for post box,and lo and behold amazon/ebay give no fucks then and it works perfectly.And i feel smug having beaten their crappy system.Perhaps try the spanglish word if you get a po box.

I think you know after all your travels,every fuck up is part of the adventure,isnt it nice the locals dont give a fuck and are chilled out,yeah that lasts about a year!!I reached my breaking point about 19 years ago when i went to the post office counter and asked any mail for ,name,address and she didnt even look up from counting her stamps and replied "i dont know" 2 options come back another day when she`s in a better mood or kick off with something like "well maybe you could fucking looking and rant",.Option 1 is always best because part of being the "insert rude racial words here) is not pissing off people who can fuck with you when they are civil servants/part of the system.

So how do you get the pizza delivered and the odd curry , you need to set up the Greek Deliverroo
 
skiathospurs

skiathospurs

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
So how do you get the pizza delivered and the odd curry , you need to set up the Greek Deliverroo
everybody delivers here!!even coffee if you are too fucking lazy to put the kettle on.Town is small so everybody knows everyone.I dont get pizza being delivered,its a fucking snack not a meal,why not just take one out the freezer and save a tenner every time?
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
everybody delivers here!!even coffee if you are too fucking lazy to put the kettle on.Town is small so everybody knows everyone.I dont get pizza being delivered,its a fucking snack not a meal,why not just take one out the freezer and save a tenner every time?
They probably deliver here but trying to get anyone to comprendo our address is tricky, I like to see what I am buying before I part with my wedge, I am very fond of my money and don't like parting with it. I am still in shock at what we are going to pay for Internet, mobile phone plans and telly - eeeekk! I have done what I usually do in foreign lands, get the proper, big company to start with, all the bells and whistles then I will find out what's what and switch it all in a year or so.

Cars are pricey here. We looked at a second hand Nissan Juke yesterday, 57,000 kms €15,000. There was a nice little < 1,000 kms Seat Mii, perfect for nipping over to Carrefour and it was just 8 grand, but apparently the boot wasn't big enough for visitor's luggage and not enough room in the back for them. Fuck that for a load of old gonads! Anybody who is coming here for a free holiday can hire a fucking car and drive themselves from the fucking airport!
 
skiathospurs

skiathospurs

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
They probably deliver here but trying to get anyone to comprendo our address is tricky, I like to see what I am buying before I part with my wedge, I am very fond of my money and don't like parting with it. I am still in shock at what we are going to pay for Internet, mobile phone plans and telly - eeeekk! I have done what I usually do in foreign lands, get the proper, big company to start with, all the bells and whistles then I will find out what's what and switch it all in a year or so.

Cars are pricey here. We looked at a second hand Nissan Juke yesterday, 57,000 kms €15,000. There was a nice little < 1,000 kms Seat Mii, perfect for nipping over to Carrefour and it was just 8 grand, but apparently the boot wasn't big enough for visitor's luggage and not enough room in the back for them. Fuck that for a load of old gonads! Anybody who is coming here for a free holiday can hire a fucking car and drive themselves from the fucking airport!
If its like here,autumn is the time to buy cars,all the hire car companies sell then and depress the market a bit.Every one seems to massively over price expecting most people to know to ask for 30% off,def the way with property here.They catch enough dreamers to put stupid prices on stuff.Fucking "a place in the sun" has a lot to answer for,sending every alcoholic,deluded,dreamy expat off to sunnier climes.Who expects estate agents on the telly to be honset and not overly optimistic?every fucker who watches that shite from the people I have met here,they did do an episode here,laughable the claims they made.I`d say 80% of ex-pats who have tried it here are long gone within 5 years,most of them 2.They genuinely have no idea it rains,gets cold,snows here in winter,let alone if their property is landlocked giving no access except a donkey track,or in the winter its next door to a carpentry workshop (that was a good one!! 6 months of waaaaaahhhhhhh all day)They sold in less than a year.

Not everyone thinks about it like you.Cant wait to be regalled with your stories of the ex-pat community,like here probably a bunch of nosey,gossiping,curtain twitching cunts,who think speaking a common langauge is good reason to be besty friends for a few months. No its not,leave me alone,wankers!!
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
If its like here,autumn is the time to buy cars,all the hire car companies sell then and depress the market a bit.Every one seems to massively over price expecting most people to know to ask for 30% off,def the way with property here.They catch enough dreamers to put stupid prices on stuff.Fucking "a place in the sun" has a lot to answer for,sending every alcoholic,deluded,dreamy expat off to sunnier climes.Who expects estate agents on the telly to be honset and not overly optimistic?every fucker who watches that shite from the people I have met here,they did do an episode here,laughable the claims they made.I`d say 80% of ex-pats who have tried it here are long gone within 5 years,most of them 2.They genuinely have no idea it rains,gets cold,snows here in winter,let alone if their property is landlocked giving no access except a donkey track,or in the winter its next door to a carpentry workshop (that was a good one!! 6 months of waaaaaahhhhhhh all day)They sold in less than a year.

Not everyone thinks about it like you.Cant wait to be regalled with your stories of the ex-pat community,like here probably a bunch of nosey,gossiping,curtain twitching cunts,who think speaking a common langauge is good reason to be besty friends for a few months. No its not,leave me alone,wankers!!
Expat community? No, ta. We had a chat with our closest neighbours yesterday, them was Spaniels, one habla'd a bit if Ingles so that was funny, nice people. Over the road ve have ze Germans, Wolfgang and Crystal, also nice, on the other side is Gerd another German. There aren't many Ingerlish in our village, I think it's about 5%. No fish and chips, no English pubs, just a couple of nice Spanish bars, a Swedish deli, a German Strudel cafe and not much else.
 
skiathospurs

skiathospurs

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Expat community? No, ta. We had a chat with our closest neighbours yesterday, them was Spaniels, one habla'd a bit if Ingles so that was funny, nice people. Over the road ve have ze Germans, Wolfgang and Crystal, also nice, on the other side is Gerd another German. There aren't many Ingerlish in our village, I think it's about 5%. No fish and chips, no English pubs, just a couple of nice Spanish bars, a Swedish deli, a German Strudel cafe and not much else.
Hope ze germans dont try&annex your garden !!Swedish deli !!try the senappsill (herring in mustard),they do roköst in sverige like primula squirty cheese but 100% better perfect on some knacker bread.Lucky my missus is away she`d have my jacobs for calling it knacker bread!!I am liking the swede food mycket !!
 
Don Diaz

Don Diaz

Zero tolerance of Numpty's
Founding Member
Expat community? No, ta. We had a chat with our closest neighbours yesterday, them was Spaniels, one habla'd a bit if Ingles so that was funny, nice people. Over the road ve have ze Germans, Wolfgang and Crystal, also nice, on the other side is Gerd another German. There aren't many Ingerlish in our village, I think it's about 5%. No fish and chips, no English pubs, just a couple of nice Spanish bars, a Swedish deli, a German Strudel cafe and not much else.
Sounds very International....you wouldn’t want the Romanians living next door would you!!

There’s a lot of Germans in that neck of the woods, they even have their own word for the Summer downpours, when you can get monsoon type rain in August time - ‘Gotterfreidung’ or something like that. It’s a great part of Spain, hope you find a few good people around the area and enjoy it. Hablas un poco Espanyol? I’m sure you do...3 of us have just started learning at work. Good fun.
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
Here is Casa Dorset (no we're not giving our house one of those daft names, but I shall call it Casa Dorset here where the boss cannot hear me). If you look carefully you might spot my refreshing, cool glass of San Miguel Especial. It's 17:30 here, temperature is about - fucking nice! It's been warm all day, I have been painting the small guest bedroom, we bought a set of bunkbeds for the grandkids and they are being delivered mañana - or whenever, so the room must be cleaned and pained first - I suppose it makes sense but I am knackered!

P1090779_DxOVP.jpg
 
Don Diaz

Don Diaz

Zero tolerance of Numpty's
Founding Member
Here is Casa Dorset (no we're not giving our house one of those daft names, but I shall call it Casa Dorset here where the boss cannot hear me). If you look carefully you might spot my refreshing, cool glass of San Miguel Especial. It's 17:30 here, temperature is about - fucking nice! It's been warm all day, I have been painting the small guest bedroom, we bought a set of bunkbeds for the grandkids and they are being delivered mañana - or whenever, so the room must be cleaned and pained first - I suppose it makes sense but I am knackered!

View attachment 804
Looks bloody idyllic
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
Looks bloody idyllic
It's all right I suppose, if you like that sort of thing. I do, I do, I really do!

I would have liked a bigger pool and more land, there were a few casas like that available in this area - but half a million quids! No way Pedro! We've got 150 sq metres of house which is well farking big enough!

The only thing I find strange is - street lights. I haven't lived in a place with street lights for donkey's years. They're handy when you walk up to the bins - you can get fined if you deposit rubbish before 20:00, makes sense I suppose as they empty them every morning and nobody want smelly garbage sitting there all day.
 
Nundy

Nundy

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Here is Casa Dorset (no we're not giving our house one of those daft names, but I shall call it Casa Dorset here where the boss cannot hear me). If you look carefully you might spot my refreshing, cool glass of San Miguel Especial. It's 17:30 here, temperature is about - fucking nice! It's been warm all day, I have been painting the small guest bedroom, we bought a set of bunkbeds for the grandkids and they are being delivered mañana - or whenever, so the room must be cleaned and pained first - I suppose it makes sense but I am knackered!

View attachment 804

My parents moved to campasol in Spain. Looks similar
 
Dorset

Dorset

The Voice Of Reason
Founding Member
Yay! Proper internet is installed! 100mb fibre, 200 TV Channels. I is a happy bunny now.
 
Motspur Hotspur

Motspur Hotspur

Player in Training.
Yay! Proper internet is installed! 100mb fibre, 200 TV Channels. I is a happy bunny now.

I'm not sure I can get used to this new chilled out, dare I say happy dorset. Can you just go back to calling everyone fascist cunts, I know where I am then.

House looks cracking by the way and not just a little jealous of your adventure.
 
Nundy

Nundy

Well-Known Member
Founding Member
Where exactly are your Dorset? Assume near Valencia ? If you ever get the chance, head to port mazzaron. Really nice and stunning restaurants. If you like your sea food. They do amazing Baby squid for like six euros at a place on the port. Easily feeds two as well.
Screenshot_20190208-004541.jpg
 
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